“I spent a year in that town, one Sunday”
"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday" is what someone from a big city might say about a small town. The quote has been cited in print since at least 1937 and has been credited to…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“I spent four years in college and didn’t learn anything. Double majored in psych & reverse psych”
American actor, writer and comedian B. J. Novak told this joke in his stand-up comedy act by at least 2003: "I learned nothing in college. It really was kind of my own fault. I had a double…
“I spent my entire life savings on pasta. It was worth every penne”
"Penne" (a type of pasta) can sound like "penny," and there are jokes about it being "worth every penne." "How did I enjoy my pasta dish? It was worth every…
“I spent three weeks trying to stuff the Thanksgiving turkey—through the beak”
American comedian Phyllis Diller is credited with a popular Thanksgiving line: "I spent three weeks trying to stuff the Thanksgiving turkey -- through the beak." Diller included the joke…
“I spent too much money on video games this month. All of my savings have gone up in Steam”
Steam is a platform for video games. Money often goes "up in smoke," but a video gaming joke is: "I spent too much money on video games this month. All of my savings have gone up in…
“I spread missing information”
"I spread missing information" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is a twist of "spread misinformation." "Just saw a tee shirt, it said : I SPREAD…
“I squint at the sun because it is bright. I squint at people because they are not”
"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "We squint at the sun because…
“I squint at the sun because it’s bright. I squint at people because they aren’t”
"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "We squint at the sun because…
“I squint at the sun because it’s bright. I squint at people because they’re not”
"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "We squint at the sun because…
“I start my new job as an apprentice bell ringer. Someone will be showing me the ropes”
To "show someone the ropes" is an expression that began on sailing ships. The literal ropes are usually a metaphor in this common work expression, but there are bell ringer jokes.…
“I started a business that sells fertilizer. You could say I’m an entre-manure”
An "entremanure" (entrepreneur + manure) is someone who makes money from manure -- usually from its use as fertilizer. "Entremanure" has been cited in print since at least 1985,…
“I started a cold air balloon business, but I’m having trouble getting it off the ground”
Start-up businesses try to get "off the ground," but usually not literally. A joke was posted on AnimalJokes.co.uk in 2003: "Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air…
“I started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, and vegetable. One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire”
If you invest in beef stock and chicken stock and vegetable stock, could you become a "bouillonaire" (bouillon + billionaire)? "I bought apple stocks early.......also beef stocks,…
“I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left”
"I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. American comedian Berl Williams (1918-1978) said in a "My…
“I stayed at a vegan hotel last night. It was the Radishon”
Radisson Hotels were not named after radishes, but there have been several puns. "Maybe they should open a hotel: the Waldorf Radishon... sorry" was posted on Twitter by Dan Wilson on…
“I stayed in a hotel run by two contortionists. They bent over backwards for me”
Some hotels "bend over backwards" for their guests. "I stayed in a hotel recently run by two contortionists...They bent over backwards to make sure everything was…
“I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me”
"I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me" is a joke that became popular on the Internet in the late 1990s, but is much older. "I have always wondered…
“I stayed up to watch daylight savings time. It was still dark”
"I stayed up to watch daylight savings time. It was still dark" is a joke that has been printed on many images. This experience is not like watching a sunrise or a sunset. Some people…
“I steal memes all day, so if you judge me by my memes you judging the wrong person, shit I just stole this”
"I steal memes all day, so if you judge me by my memes you judging the wrong person, shit I just stole this" is a stolen meme joke that has been printed on several images. The joke is…
“I stepped on a cornflake this morning. I’m a cereal killer now”
"I stepped on a cornflake this morning. I'm a cereal killer now" -- a pun on "serial killer" -- is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Oh. My. God. I stepped…