“I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do”
"I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do" is a jocular line -- the joke is that the "drugs" the dealer sold weren't legit -- that has been…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“I just pead on the table” (pea joke)
A person who eats peas often sees at least one pea roll away from the dish onto the dining table. "I've just pead the table!" -- a pun on peeing on the table -- is a popular joke.…
“I just pulled a muscle tearing up my gym membership card”
"I just pulled a muscle tearing up my gym membership card" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Uncle Duke on May 3, 2018. It was reposted by Uncle Duke on Bluesky on August 1, 2025.…
“I just quit belly dancing. I no longer have the stomach for it”
To "not have the stomach for (something)" means to lack the courage, determination, or resolve to do it. The idiom usually doesn't involve the stomach, but there are belly dancing…
“I just read that burglars use Facebook to find out when people aren’t home. I’m glad i’m at home, with my pet grizzly…”
Burglars can use social media to find if a family is not at home. The family might reveal on social media that they're on vacation, for example. However, the house might have security systems…
“I just read that burglars use social media to find out when people aren’t home… I’m glad I’m at home, with my hungry pet grizzly bear”
Burglars can use social media to find if a family is not at home. The family might reveal on social media that they're on vacation, for example. However, the house might have security systems…
“I just realized I am not a morning person. I’m a coffee person”
"I just realized I am not a morning person. I'm a coffee person" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm not a morning person, I'm just a coffee…
“I just realized the paper towels by the gas pump are for wiping away tears after filling your gas”
The paper towels by a gas pump are for cleaning (such as cleaning a windshield, or wiping oil from a dipstick). However, a popular comment (printed on many images) has it that the paper towels are…
“I just realized why this month is called ‘May.’ It may rain, it may snow…”
"THERE seems to be a particular reason why the month of May should be marked with floods, unless it be the old rule that the month is so called because it may rain, it may snow, it may freeze,…
“I just received a ‘Save the Date’ card. I didn’t even know they were an endangered fruit”
"'Save the date!' It turns out that this admonition is not, as might reasonably be supposed, a charity solicitation on behalf of an endangered fruit" was printed in the Chicago…
“I just received a ‘Save the Date’ message. I didn’t even know they were an endangered fruit?”
"'Save the date!' It turns out that this admonition is not, as might reasonably be supposed, a charity solicitation on behalf of an endangered fruit" was printed in the Chicago…
“I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle”
"I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and ecards. "Just rescued some wine.. it was…
“I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single”
"I just saved a bunch of money (on Valentine's Day) by switching to single" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I just saved a bunch of money on…
“I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook”
“Never talk about religion or politics” is a popular etiquette rule for family gatherings, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas. “Be sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving this year to save…
“I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics over Thanksgiving dinner”
“Never talk about religion or politics” is a popular etiquette rule for family gatherings, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas. A jocular saying printed on many images is to do the opposite of…
“I just shoveled 6 inches of global warming off my driveway”
Many people doubt "global warming" after a big or a late snowfall. "I just shoveled X inches of global warming off my driveway/sidewalk" is a popular trope. "Having just…
“I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup. Took the words right out of my mouth”
Alphabet soup has been the subject of many puns. "Just puked up the alphabet soup I ate for dinner. Took the words right out of my mouth" was posted on Twitter on May 22, 2010. "I…
“I just spilled all of the pancake mix on my wife. You could say she’s my batter half”
A pancake joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on September 11, 2024: "I just spilled all of the pancake mix on my wife. You could say she's my batter half." "My batter…
“I just sprayed fruit scented Febreze in my bathroom. Now it smells like shitrus”
A citrus air freshener sprayed in the bathroom can wind up smelling like "shitrus" (shit + citrus). "Shitrus" was entered in the Urban Dictionary on January 23, 2008.…
“I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone”
Many people hate mimes. "I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone" was posted on Twitter by Jason Maybe on January 22, 2011. "I just strangled a mime.... With a cordless…