“I heard a really funny joke at our mandatory meeting at work” (joke)
When another telling of a joke doesn't work, "I guess you had to be there" is what the joke teller often says. "Did you hear the one about the mandatory meeting? I guess you had…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“I heard alcohol and sunlight can kill Corona, so if you see me naked and drunk in the yard…”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…
“I heard that cricket matches can last for days. No rest for the wicket”
"No rest for the wicked" is from the Book of Isaiah verses 48:22 and 57:20-21. "No rest for the wicket" is a cricket joke. "The Bowlers have plenty to do, and there is no…
“I heard the government is putting chips in people. I hope I get sour cream and onion”
"I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get Doritos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The "chips" are usually radio-frequency…
“I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get Doritos”
"I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get Doritos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The "chips" are usually radio-frequency…
“I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get hot Cheetos”
"I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get Doritos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The "chips" are usually radio-frequency…
“I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get tortilla chips!”
"I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get Doritos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The "chips" are usually radio-frequency…
“I heard the government is putting chips into people. I hope I get BBQ”
"I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get Doritos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The "chips" are usually radio-frequency…
“I heard the more colorful your salad, the better it is for you. So I replaced my croutons with M&M’s”
"I heard the more colorful your salad, the better it is for you. So I replaced my croutons with M&M’s" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. M&M's…
“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there”
"Moderation in all things" or "Everything in moderation" is an old proverb. A joke was posted on Twitter on October 17, 2013: "I heard there was a new store called…
“I heard you can get lawyers at IKEA now. They’re affordable, but you have to build your own case”
A legal case isn't the same as a bookcase, but there are "case" jokes. "I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now. They're very affordable, but you have to build your own…
“I highly recommend almond butter if you like peanut butter but think it tastes too good”
Peanut butter is more common than almond butter, and there might be a good reason for that. This was posted on X/Twitter by Kevin Farzad on March 25, 2018, and this received over 2,800 likes:…
“I hired a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov”
The radio talk show Car Talk used many funny fictional names. "Ok, another Car Talk fan. The Russian chauffeur is Pickup Andropov" was posted on the newsgroup rec.arts.bonsai on January…
“I hit the gym, but I drove away because I don’t have car insurance”
"Hit the gym" is an expression meaning "go to the gym" that's not meant to be taken as a literal "hit," but there's a joke: "I hit the gym, but I drove…
“I hit two great balls on the golf course—I stepped on a rake” (joke)
An old joke has a golfer say this after a bad round of golf: "I hit two great balls on the golf course -- I stepped on a rake at the sand trap." The joke has been cited in print in 1985,…
“I homeschool because I have seen the village and I don’t want it raising my children”
"It takes a village to raise a child" is an African proverb. "I homeschool because I have seen the village and I don't want it raising my children" (or "We homeschool…
“I honestly don’t care what you think of me. Except your dog… I really want your dog to like me”
Some people like dogs more than people. "I honestly don't care what you think of me. Except your dog..I really want your dog to like me" was posted on Facebook by "It's…
“I hope my government will let me go outside today”
"I hope my government will let me go outside today" is a saying (the speaker is shown with many vaccine needles in the body) that has been shown on many images. The speaker slavishly…
“I hope one day I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt”
"I hope one day I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt" (or "I hope someday I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt" is a saying that has…
“I hope someday I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt”
"I hope one day I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt" (or "I hope someday I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt" is a saying that has…