“I went to a vegan prostitute last night and she gave me her peas”
"Herpes" (a disease) sounds like "her peas," and there have been many puns. "I once went out with a girl that gave me peas with my dinner, just so she could say she gave me…
"Herpes" (a disease) sounds like "her peas," and there have been many puns. "I once went out with a girl that gave me peas with my dinner, just so she could say she gave me…
Saying "the menu was tasty" doesn't necessarily mean the actual menu, but a joke was posted on Sickipedia on February 20, 2018: "I went into a vegan restaurant as I was told the…
"I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal -- a dog. It was a Shih Tzu (shit zoo)" is a popular joke that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited in print…
Many people watching soccer (especially World Cup soccer) have long believed that the soccer players fall down and "act" to draw penalties on the opposing players. "I just went to a…
An old joke has it that someone went to a restaurant with a leaky roof -- and it took several hours to finish the soup. Another version is that the person went to an open-air restaurant, and that…
"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…
"G-rated" (a movie rating meaning "All ages admitted. Nothing that would offend parents for viewing by children") shouldn't be confused with "grated," but there…
"Bada bing, bada boom!" is an expression to emphasize something regarded as surprising, sudden, effortlessly achieved or impressive. There have been many puns on the expression, with a…
"I went to legoland last week and it was packed. People were lined up for blocks" was posted on Twitter by "my puns have a Claus and effect" on November 8, 2018. Legos are…
"Large fries" and "small fries" are the same size of french fries -- the "large" order just contains more of them. "mcdonalds employee: please sir, get off the…
A "trick question" shouldn't be confused with a question about tricks, but there are jokes. "Why did the students flunk the final exam at the Magician's School? They were…
A half-wit is a foolish or imbecilic person. "I went to school to become a wit -- only got halfway through" is a jocular saying that has been cited in print since at least 1999 and is of…
A person who enters a coffee shop and orders a "medium roast" probably doesn't want a light ribbing, but there are many jokes. "Asked for a medium roast at Starbucks and the…
What's in an air and space museum? Just air and space? "I want my money back. I went to the air and space museum and there was nothing in it. http://bit.ly/NpDLu7 via @sickipedia"…
"Went to the corner shop -- bought four corners" is on several lists of the funniest jokes of all time. The joke has been credited to British prop comedian Tommy Cooper (1921-1984), but…
A mole could be cancer -- or it could just be a garden animal. "I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the…
People often ask about "the best exercise to lose weight." There are at least two ways, and they both involve saying "no" to food. “'The best exercise I know of,'…
Grocery stores often have a sign that says "No food or drink inside." The sign means that customers shouldn't bring food or drink inside the store, but it can be read the wrong way.…
"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…
Sprite (a lemon and lime-flavored soft drink) is often mistaken for 7 Up, and there's a popular joke. "@davelee Just been done for shoplifting in Tesco. Thought I'd gone to the…