“I entered a dad joke competition and won $1000. It was a grand dad joke”
The sum of $1,000 is a "grand." There is a "dad joke" -- or rather a "grand dad joke" -- about this. "I was paid $1000 for this joke. It was a grand dad…
Food/Drink
“I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze”
"I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on May 28, 2019, and again on Reddit -- Dadjokes on June 21, 2019. "I once…
“I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house”
A joke about a fitness app was posted on Twitter by Mikey on October 12, 2015: "Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house." The one-line…
“I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like fine wine. I’m aging like milk…”
"Some people age like fine wine. Me? I aged like milk. I got sour and chunky" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Women age like a fine wine, men age like…
“I failed Binary 101. I said it was 6”
Many introductory college courses end in "101." But what if the course is Binary 101? (101 is 5 in binary.) "I failed Binary 101.I said it was 6. http://bit.ly/1a78s7q via…
“I failed my drug test again. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get my pharmacy degree”
Drug tests are often given at work, but sometimes a different kind of drug test is given at school. "I failed my drug test again. Sometimes I wonder if I'll EVER get my pharmacy…
“I failed my drug test today. There goes my degree in pharmaceutics!”
Drug tests are often given at work, but sometimes a different kind of drug test is given at school. "I failed my drug test again. Sometimes I wonder if I'll EVER get my pharmacy…
“I failed my italic writing exam with straight A’s”
"@brianshelf - I failed my Italics exam with straight As. #fb" is a jocular one-line saying that was posted on Twitter on August 18, 2011. "Failed my italic writing exam with…
“I failed my math exam. I couldn’t write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals. IM LIVID”
"Just heard they're changing my mobile phone number to Roman numerals!? I'm LIVID" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Morris Dutchley the Comic Book on September 28, 2011.…
“I failed to make the chess team because of my height”
Bronx-born comedian, author and film director Woody Allen joked in 1964: "I failed to make the chess team because of my height." A young Woody Allen was short, but he was athletic and…
“I fantasize about winning the lottery way too much for someone who never buys lotto tickets”
"I think about winning the lottery way too much for someone that don't buy lottery tickets" and "I fantasize about winning the lottery way too much for someone who never buys…
“I fart because it’s the only gas I can afford”
"Help! Dad farted and we can't get out!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. When someone farts in a car, others are trapped and have to open windows.…
“I farted in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels”
"From Chris Purdy's Facebook Status: I farted in the lift at work this morning.... it was wrong on so many levels" was posted on Twitter on October 7, 2009. "I farted in an…
“I fear I’m the girl sipping the fruity little drink cause she can’t shoot whiskey”
"I fear I'm the girl sipping the fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is based on the song…
“I feel a spree coming on, but will it be shopping or killing?”
"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I feel a spree coming on, but…
“I feel a spree coming on. But I haven’t decided yet if it’s killing or shopping”
"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I feel a spree coming on, but…
“I feel a spree coming on. It’s either a shopping one, or a killing one. The choice is totally up to you”
"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I feel a spree coming on, but…
“I feel a spree coming on. It’s either shopping or killing, I haven’t decided yet”
"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I feel a spree coming on, but…
“I feel a spree coming on. Shopping or Killing? You’ll never know”
"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I feel a spree coming on, but…
“I feel bad that nobody’s checking up on Coca Cola’s well-being. Everyone asks if Pepsi is okay”
Many diners ask for "coke" when they want a soda. If the establishment has Pepsi cola instead of Coca-Cola, a server usually asks, "Is Pepsi okay (as a substitute drink)?" Pepsi…