“My neighbor has joined the War on Drugs…on the side of drugs”
"I have joined the war on drugs on the side of drugs" (or "I'm joining the war on drugs on the side of drugs") is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I’m…
Food/Drink
“My neighbor opened a backyard petting zoo with his bull. No one went. He was charging way too much”
Three jokes involve a bull and the pun of "charging too much." "We had a bull come to our front door selling red capes, but he was charging way too much" was posted on Facebook…
“My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not”
"My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "My neighbors listen to great music. Whether they…
“My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not”
"My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "My neighbors listen to great music. Whether they…
“My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th”
Some people light fireworks both before and after July 4th (Independence Day). "My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th" was posted on X/Twitter by Simon…
“My nerdy friend got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes. He is now known as ‘Dr. Awkward’”
"Dr. Awkward" is a palindrome -- that is, it reads the same backwards and forwards. "I have a Ph.D in awkwardness... Call me Dr. Awkward" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by…
“My new boss told me to be on call 24/7. I don’t mind as July 24th is ages away”
"24/7" means "24 hours a day, 7 days a week" -- all the time. It does not mean "July 24th," but there have been several jokes about that. "You work 24/7? Wow, I…
“My new credit card has this awesome theft protection…” (joke)
"My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says 'declined' whenever you use it" is a jocular line that was cited on Twitter on May 13, 2012. "My…
“My new dog, Minton, just ate all my shuttlecocks. Bad Minton!”
A joke on the name of "badminton" has been cited in print since at least 2000: "My new dog, Minton, just ate all my shuttlecocks. Bad Minton!" The joke has been printed on…
“My new shadow puppet theater could make millions, but that’s just projected figures”
A business projection's "projected figures" aren't literally projected figures, but there's a popular theater joke. "I've worked out that my new shadow puppet…
“My New Year’s resolution is 1080p”
"My New Year's resolution is 1080p is a jocuar New Year's one-line saying that has been printed on several images. 1080p is the resolution for high-definition television (HDTV).…
“My New Year’s Resolution is for my neighbors to move”
"My New Year's Resolution is for my neighbors to move" was posted on X/Twitter by Tracie Breaux on January 1, 2013. "my new years resolution is for my neighbors to move"…
“My New Year’s resolution is to buy a velcro wall and I plan on sticking to it”
People often don't stick to new year's resolutions, but what if they buy something velcro? "My New Years Resolution is to buy a velcro wall...and stick to it" was posted on…
“My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier”
Many people make New Year's resolutions to lose weight, but losing weight can be difficult. "My New Year's Resolution is too either lose weight or start hanging out with fat people…
“My New Year’s resolution is to not have one”
"My New Year's resolution is to not have one" is said by many people who know that they won't keep their resolutions. "New year’s resolution is not to have one" was…
“My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’ll start tomorrow”
"My New Year's resolution is to procrastinate. I'll start tomorrow" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "My new years resolution is to procrastinate less and be…
“My New Year’s resolution is to stay out of shape. Maybe I won’t stick with this one either”
Many people have a new year's resolution to lose weight, but they don't keep it. Others apply reverse psychology. "My resolution every year was to slim down and it always fail! How…
“My New Year’s resolution is to stop putting my foot in my mouth. I bet yours is to lose weight”
"My New Year's resolution is to stop putting my foot in my mouth. I bet yours is to lose weight, huh?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker is…
“My New Year’s resolution was to enjoy more coffee… so far, so good!”
"My New Year's resolution was to enjoy more coffee... so far, so good!" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "My New Year's resolution was to enjoy more…
“My New Year’s Resolutions: 1. Get my finances in order 2. Get finances”
"To Do: 1. Get my finances in order 2. Get finances" was posted on X/Twitter by Gary (Mystic Mac)🍀on November 30, 2023. The joke is that the speaker has not much money to get into…