“My COVID-19 is the most weight I’ve gained since my Freshman 15”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in home lockdowns. Many people did not get enough exercise and ate a lot, gaining weight similar to a college student's "freshman 15"…
Food/Drink
“My cow died last night, so I don’t need your bull”
"My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull" is a phrase of uncertain origin. It's so familiar in some parts that "My cow died last night" is all that needs to…
“My coworker and I were talking about capitalism and he said this: ‘the earth is a resort for like 500 rich people and the rest of us are just the staff’”
Many people feel that the rich own the world and everyone else seems to be just there to serve them. "My coworker and I were talking about capitalism and he said this: 'the earth is a…
“My credit card company called me to report suspicious activity. Someone made a payment”
Credit card companies check for "suspicious activity. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on January 24, 2023: "Credit card company called me to report suspicious activity... I asked what…
“My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered”
An "outstanding balance" means that money is owed, but it's often joked that an "outstanding balance" means a wonderful or exceptional balance. "It is so nice to…
“My credit card had suspicious activity—I bought a gym membership”
Some people never seem to join a gym, and there's a joke about it. "I tried to join a gym. My credit card was declined because the cc company viewed this as 'suspicious…
“My dad always said that it was rude to point. Great dad, terrible bricklayer”
Brick "pointing" is not the same as finger pointing, but there are jokes. "My old uncle used to say 'It's rude to point.' Brilliant man, but terrible brick…
“My dad always said, ‘The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more’” (joke)
The first rule of the theatre (show business) is 'always leave them wanting more" is a saying of unknown authorship. The premise is to leave the audience on a positive note, wanting more…
“My dad always said, ‘Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.’ Balance: $9.11”
"Work until your bank account looks like a phone number” is a popular saying that went viral in September 2014. A popular joke is that the phone number is "911" -- the emergency…
“My dad got shot from a cannon. The circus never found another man of his caliber”
A circus joke has it that a human cannonball tries to quit. (Another version has the human cannonball fly off into space.) The ringmaster sighs and says, "It's hard to find another man of…
“My dad told me he was into East Asian music and I was like, ‘k, pop…’”
"K-pop" (Korean popular music) is sometimes confused with "K, pop" (a response to a father). "A father asks his child, 'Could you please stop listening to Korean…
“My dad told me that I would make a great mime. I was speechless”
The "mime...I was speechless" joke has had several forms. "I remember the first time my parents told me I could never cut it as a mime. I was speechless" was posted on Twitter…
“My dad told me to invest my money in bonds, so I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger”
A bond (a financial instrument) has nothing to do with James Bond (a fictional British Secret Service agent), but there have been several jokes. UK comedian Nick Hall posted on Twitter on July 10,…
“My dad was a workaholic. Every time someone mentioned work, he got drunk”
"My dad was a workaholic. Every time someone mentioned work, he got drunk" is a joke that has been printed on many images. The word "workaholic" is not an exact portmanteau of…
“My dad was the town drunk. Usually that’s not so bad, but New York City?”
Henny Youngman (1906-1998), a comedian known as the "king of the one-liners," grew up in New York City. One of his popular one-liners was: "My dad was the town drunk. Usually…
“My dad’s been suffering from seizures. So far, they’ve taken his car, his house and his boat”
"Recently my Dad's been suffering from seizures. So far they've taken his car, his house and his boat" was posted on Twitter by Gary Delaney on February 8, 2017. The joke is…
“My dad’s brother eats loads of pasta. He’s my carbuncle”
A "carbuncle" has nothing to do with "carbs" and "uncles," but there have been puns. "Is that your parent's brother feeding you pasta?" was posted on…
“My dad’s sister is a fish. She’s my Aunt Chovy”
"Aunt Chovy" (or "Aunt Chovie") is a pun on "anchovy." "'My Uncle Jim is a great fish-eater.' 'So's your Aunt Chovy'" was printed in…
“My dad’s sisters can’t get Covid. They have antibodies”
"Antibodies" have nothing to do with the bodies of "aunts," but there are jokes. The jokes became popular during the 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic. "Why does your…
“My dad’s sister works in a Paris bakery and hates it. She’s a cross aunt”
"Croissant" sounds a bit like "cross aunt." "Yes, if we were in Paris, we'd deserve a French Toast."/"And if our uncle's wife got mad at us, we'd…