“If you snooze, you lose”
"If you snooze, you lose" has been the advertising pitch of many in retail sales. Tom Parsons' Best Fares (bestfares.com), based in Irving, Texas, has long used (since the 1980s) the…
Food/Drink
“If you somehow choke to death on an ice cube, nobody would know how you died”
"Has anyone ever choked to death on an ice cube? If so, did it confuse the fuck out of the coroner?" was asked on Reddit -- AskReddit on December 20, 2010. "Is it possible to die…
“If you spill paint on your lawn, you can watch paint dry and grass grow at the same time”
Both "watching paint dry" and "watching grass grow" are classically unexciting things; sometimes these activities are combined. "Any day now... Its like watching fruit…
“If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie”
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie" (or "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat") is a popular sign displayed in many…
“If you stay at the table long enough, the chips come to you”
American actress Marilyn Cooper (1934-2009) made her Broadway debut in the chorus of Mr. Wonderful (1956); the following year, she was cast in West Side Story (1957). When Cooper won the Tony award…
“If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil…”
"If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil...your life might be easier but your children's won't" is a saying that has been printed on…
“If you steal things from bartenders, you’ll end up behind bars”
A bar joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on September 30, 2018: "If you steal things from bartenders, you'll end up behind bars." "Behind bars" -- when it is not…
“If you still look cute at the end of your workout, you didn’t train hard enough”
"If you still look cute at the end of your workout, you didn't train hard enough" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. "If you still look cute after a…
“If you struggle cutting cake, is it still a piece of cake?”
Something that is a "piece of cake" is something that is easy or simple. "If a cake is hard to make is it still a piece of cake??" is a joke that was posted on Twitter January…
“If you stumble, make it part of the dance”
"If you stumble, make it part of the/your dance" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. "If you stumble, make it part of your dance" was cited on…
“If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why”
A trumpet is played by blowing it, not sucking it. A joke was posted on Twitter by Eric Martin on June 7, 2011: "If you suck at playing the trumpet, that is probably why." TwitterEric…
“If you swallow uranium you will probably get atomic ache”
"Atomic ache" sounds a bit like "a tummy ache." "Eating uranium can cause atomic ache" was posted on the newsgroup Google Groups: rec.humor on April 22, 1991.…
“If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory”
"If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on an image. The joke was posted on the website Pun of the Day in…
“If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun…”
Should a last post before a social media sabbatical leave some intrigue? "If you take a twitter sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last tweet something fun like 'I wonder if…
“If you take a Twitter sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last tweet something fun…”
Should a last post before a social media sabbatical leave some intrigue? "If you take a twitter sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last tweet something fun like 'I wonder if…
“If you take the word ‘MILK’ and change only four letters, you get ‘BEER’”
"If you take the word 'MILK' and change only four letters, you get 'BEER'" is a jocular beer saying that has been printed on many images. "If you take the word…
“If you tell chemistry jokes you will have nitrogen, oxygen, lithium and iron”
"Us chem nerds have nitrogen oxygen lithium iron" was posted on X/Twitter on Decembe 21, 2012. "IF YOU TELL CHEMISTRY JOKES YOU WILL HAVE NITROGEN, OXYGEN, LITHIUM AND IRON" was…
“If you tell the truth, it becomes part of your past. If you lie, it becomes part of your future”
"If you tell the truth. it becomes (a) part of your past. If you lie. it becomes (a) part of your future" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The quote is from University of…
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything”
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" is a quotation that has been printed on many posters. The quotation is usually credited to Mark Twain, the pen name of…
“If you think a virus is scary, wait until you find out what’s really going on”
"If you think a virus is scary, wait until you find out what’s really going on" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying emerged during the COVID-19 (coronavirus)…