“If you eat donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re jogging”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
Food/Drink
“If you eat enough beans, any chair can be musical”
A joke on the game of "musical chairs" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on November 9, 2019: "If you eat enough beans, any chair can be musical." The joke is that eating…
“If you eat enough beans, any chair can be musical”
A joke on the game of "musical chairs" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on November 9, 2019: "If you eat enough beans, any chair can be musical." The joke is that eating…
“If you eat falafel with hummus, you are dipping fried chick peas into blended chick peas”
Both falafel and hummus usually contain chickpeas. "Falafel with hummus. Eating fried chickpeas with chickpea paste. #neverthoughtofthat" was posted on Twitter on September 24, 2013.…
“If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed”
"If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed" is a jocular one-line saying about take-home food that has been printed on an ecard. "Yeah but if you eat ur whole…
“If you eat it, you wear it”
"If you eat it, you wear it" is a modern update on "You are what you eat." For example, if you eat a donut, you might have to "wear it" when the fat goes to your hips.…
“If you eat Lunchables for breakfast, does that make them Breakfastables?”
There are "Lunchables" (trademarked in 1987), but no "Breakfastables" or "Dinnerables." However, the same company (Oscar Mayer) did trademark…
“If you eat manicotti with your feet, do they become pedicotti?”
There are manicures and there are pedicures. There is manicotti, but there is no pedicotti. "How about mani/pedicotti?" was posted on Twitter by Pwincess Chawwotte ✨ on July 9, 2014.…
“If you eat Nerds and then AirHeads, do they cancel each other out?”
There are candies and sweets with names such as "Smarties" and "Dum Dums" and "AirHeads" and "Nerds." Do they cancel each other out? "Bought a bunch of…
“If you eat some weed, your taste buds taste buds”
"Taste buds taste bud. #weed" -- a seeming repetition of terms -- was posted on Twitter on November 5, 2012. "You smoke basic, my weed flavored, my taste buds taste bud" was…
“If you eat tacos fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re walking”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“If you eat today, thank a farmer. If it’s on your table, thank a trucker”
"If you eat today, thank a farmer. If you eat in peace, thank a veteran" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “If you ate today, thank a farmer” is a saying from the…
“If you eat today, thank a farmer. If you eat in peace, thank a veteran”
"If you eat today, thank a farmer. If you eat in peace, thank a veteran" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “If you ate today, thank a farmer” is a saying from the…
“If you eat too many Little Debbie cakes, you’ll become a Big Deborah”
Little Debbie snacks are addictive to many people. "If you eat too many Little Debbie cakes you gon turn into Big Debra" was posted on Twitter on November 11, 2011. "Eat too many…
“If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day?”/“November thirst.”
A pretzel riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 5, 2016: Q: If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day?A: November thirst. "November thirst" is…
“If you eat too much chorizo you’ll end up chorizontal”
"Chorizontal" (chorizo + horizontal) is a food portmanteau word that has appeared in several jokes. "'What type of land are chorizo factories built on?'…
“If you eat too much prison chili, you might lose your right to remain silent”
Many prisons serve chili. Some prison chili is quite good, such as the famous Dallas County Jail Chili (Texas Prison Chili). On the American comedy television program Most Extreme Elimination…
“If you educate a woman, you educate a nation”
"If you educate a woman, you educate a family/nation" is a much-cited education adage that has been credited to many people. Catherine Esther Beecher (1800-1878), an American educator,…
“If you even dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologize”
"If you even dream of beating me, you'd better wake up and apologize" is a boxer's taunt that was popularized by Muhammad Ali (1942-2016). Ali said about competitor Joe Frazier…
“If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly because communication is key”
"Communication is key" is a saying; it doesn't refer to an actual key that opens locks, but there are jokes. "If communication is the key...we are locked out" was posted on…