“If it moves, tax it”
In 1986, President Ronald Reagan said: "Back then (before 1981 -- ed.), government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps…
Food/Drink
“If it succeeds, it leads”
"If it bleeds, it leads" has long been the rule in tabloid journalism, meaning that sensational stories (such as murders) are promoted on the front page. "If it succeeds, it…
“If it swims, serve Fino; if it flies, serve Amontillado; if it runs, serve Oloroso”
The rule for pairing sherry and food is: If it swims, drink/serve Fino.If it flies, drink/serve Amontillado.If it runs, drink/serve Oloroso This saying has been cited in print since 2011 and has…
“If it tastes good, spit it out” (diet advice)
"If it tastes good, spit it out" is old dietary advice, when so-called "health food" and "low-calorie food" frequently had little taste. The saying is of unknown…
“If it wasn’t for Edison, we’d be watching television by candlelight”
American comedian and actor George Gobel (1919-1991) hosted Light's Diamond Jubilee, a two-hour TV special that aired on October 24, 1954 on all four U.S. television networks of the time…
“If it were a real $20 bill, someone would have picked it off the sidewalk already” (economics joke)
The efficient market hypothesis (EMH) assumes such efficiency that it has led to a popular economics joke. Two economists are walking down the street and one of them notices what appears to be a…
“If it weren’t for caffeine, I’d have no personality whatsoever”
"If it weren't for caffeine, I'd have no personality whatsoever" is a jocular saying about coffee drinkers. The saying has been cited in print since at least 1995 and is of…
“If it weren’t for court dates, I wouldn’t be dating at all”
Having a court date isn't really "dating," but a joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on October 25, 2018: "If it weren't for court dates, I wouldn't be dating at…
“If it weren’t for dogs, some people would never go for a walk”
Many people get exercise only when they walk their dogs. "If it weren't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk" is a saying that was printed in a 1968 book and a 1977…
“If it weren’t for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I’d never get any exercise at all”
"Spring Forward, Fall Back" is how people set clocks, but there is a joke: "If it weren't for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I'd never get any exercise at all."…
“If it weren’t for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I’d never get any exercise at all”
"Spring Forward, Fall Back" is how people set clocks, but there is a joke: "If it weren't for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I'd never get any exercise at all."…
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever”
"If it wasn't/weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever" is a saying that has been printed on many images. David Letterman, host of…
“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done”
"If it wasn't/weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, mugs and T-shirts. "If it…
“If it worked and was safe, you wouldn’t need to mandate, force, deceive or threaten…”
"If it worked and was safe, you wouldn’t need to mandate, force, deceive or threaten those who question it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. the saying usually refers…
“If it’s brown, it’s down” (hunting adage)
"If it's brown, it's down" is a hunting saying that's especially popular when deer hunting season opens. "If it's brown, it's down" has been cited in…
“If it’s far away, it’s news. If it’s close at home, it’s sociology”
American journalist James Reston (1909-1995), then Washington bureau chief of the New York (NY) Times, spoke at the 50th anniversary of the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism in…
“If it’s free, it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counseling”
"If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle" is a jocular line of uncertain authorship. The saying was…
“If it’s free, it’s for me”
Retailers know that consumers love free stuff. "If it's free, it's for me" is a popular consumer saying. "If it's free, it's for me" has been cited in print…
“If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way: if not, you’ll find an excuse”
"If it's important to you, you'll find a way: if not, you'll find an excuse" has been printed on many posters. The saying is often credited to American motivational speaker…
“If it’s in stock, we have it” (store sign)
"If it's in stock, we have it" is a jocular store saying that has been printed on many images. "If it's in stock we have it, and if we ain't got it, you don't…