“I was feeling bad about my code so I went outside and take a run…” (joke)
"If ever you're feeling sad, just go for a run" might, at first, seem like good advice. However, a joke often follows this. "If you’re ever sad, just go for a run. Then…
Food/Drink
“I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company”
A finance joke was posted on Reddit on November 23, 2016 (just before Thanksgiving): "I was very lonely so I bought some shares. It's nice to have a bit of company." The joke was…
“I was fired from my job yesterday for being a pervert. I don’t understand; I’m always hard at work”
"Hard at work" is a saying that can also have a sexual connotation. "I got fired from my job as a porn actor because i wasnt always hard at work" was posted on Twitter on August…
“I was fired from the keyboard factory today. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts”
There is a pun about work "shifts." "I got fired for putting in extra shifts at work. It's what you get for working in a keyboard factory" was posted on Twitter on March…
“I was following my dreams, but they blocked me”
"Follow your dreams" is a common saying that has been printed on many images. It usually doesn't refer to a follow on social media, but there are jokes. "I wanted to follow my…
“I was forced to swallow purple food coloring. I feel violated”
"I was forced to swallow purple food color. I feel violated" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 20, 2017. "I was forced to swallow purple food coloring... I feel…
“I was given a book the other day on anger management. I lost it”
"I was given a book the other day on anger management. I lost it" is a jocular saying -- the "it" can refer to a lost book or a lost anger -- that has been printed on several…
“I was given haggis as an in-flight meal once. I’ve had bad food before, but that was plane offal”
"Offal" sounds like "awful," and "plane awful" sounds like "plain offal." There are jokes. "How have you survived the airline food? I've heard…
“I was going to buy a car with a transparent steering wheel until someone told me to steer clear”
To "steer clear" means to stay away. It's doesn't mean to have a clear steering wheel, but there are jokes. "My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a…
“I was going to buy a new toaster, but kept the old one. Better the Breville you know”
Breville is an Australian multinational manufacturer and marketer of home appliances. A popular joke involves the Breville toaster and the phrase "better the Breville you know" (a pun on…
“I was going to eat a spaghetti squash, but then I thought, ‘Nah, I butternut’”
"Butternut" sounds like "better not." "I'm a fan of squash puns, so I was going to like that, but then I decided I butternut" was posted on Twitter on August 26,…
“I was going to go to the grocery store but I forgot my ID so I just went to vote instead. - New York City”
In 2026, new New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani did not support requiring an ID to vote, but did support requiring an ID to shop at his proposed city-run grocery stores. This jocular comment was…
“I was going to join the debating team, but somebody talked me out of it”
A joke about the debating club is: "In university, I was going to join the debating team, but someone talked me out of it." Canadian comedian Stewart Francis has told the one-line joke in…
“I was going to make a joke about carpentry, but can’t think of any that wood work”
"Woodwork" sounds like "would work." "I'd also tell a joke about carpentry but I'm not sure it woodwork" was posted on Twitter by Amarachi on April 14, 2015.…
“I was going to make a joke about sodium, but Na”
The symbol for the chemical element Sodium is "Na," prompting the popular joke: "I was going to make a joke about sodium, but Na." "'Hey, know any good jokes about…
“I was going to post about my afternoon run, but I was autocorrected to afternoon rum”
"Run" and "rum" should not be confused. "@BKnockin afternoon run or rum? I like the latter ;)" was posted on Twitter by Michelle “MBennz” Bennett on January 5,…
“I was going to share a vegetable joke, but it’s corny”
Corn has many "corny" jokes. "Wanna hear a vegetable joke? nevermind, its too CORNy...meheh" was posted on Twitter on November 16, 2010. "I was gonna share a vegetable…
“I was going to start a hillside herb garden, but didn’t have the thyme or the inclination”
A joke about planting an herb garden was posted on Twitter by Shane Jarvis on September 22, 2009: "Was going to start a herb garden business on a hillside but I found I didn't have the…
“I was going to start a taxi service for seniors and call it Oldsmobile”
Oldsmobile was a brand of American automobiles from 1897 to 2004. The company was named after Ransom E. Olds (1864-1950). The "Oldsmobile" name doesn't mean that it's an…
“I was going to tell a finance joke, but then again, it would bear no interest to you”
A finance joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on September 29, 2017: "I was going to tell a finance joke, but then again, it would bear no interest to you." Reddit -- OnelinersI was…