“If found, please return to the pub”
"If found, please return to (the) pub" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found, please return to the pub" was posted on the newsgroup…
Food/Drink
“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to slaughter”
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter" is a George Washington (1732-1799) quotation that became frequently used in the…
“If Friday had a face, I would kiss it”
"If Friday had a face, I would kiss it" is a Friday (often the end of the work week) saying that has been printed on many images. "Yay it's Friday! If Friday had a face I would…
“If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?”/“A poul-tree.”
"Poultry" is often given in pun form as "poul-tree," as in the Brooklyn (NY) Daily Eagle on December 13, 1867: "Holly is the most popular tree at Christmas time; but on…
“If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them”
"If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone/everybody will want them" is a saying that's been cited in print since at least June 1994. The origin of the saying…
“If gay marriage is wrong, then why did we have four fathers?”
"Forefathers" shouldn't be confused with "four fathers," but there are jokes. "If gay marriage is wrong, then why did we have four fathers?" was posted on Twitter…
“If genitals don’t define gender, how does removing them affirm it?”
"If genitals don't define gender, how does removing them affirm it?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Imagine thinking genitalia doesn't indicate…
“If Gladstone should fall into the Thames, that would be a misfortune…” (political joke)
A joke about the difference between an accident (or mishap or misfortune) and a calamity (or catastrophe or misfortune) appears to have been first told in France and was published in the the Leeds…
“If God didn’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If God didn’t want us to eat meat, he wouldn’t have invented steak sauce”
Texans love barbecue. "If God didn't want us to eat meat, he wouldn't have invented steak sauce" is Texan talk from at least the 1990s. Retrograde.com Posted: 10/16/06 06:58AM…
“If God dwells inside us, I hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting”
"If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas because that's what He's getting" was written by Jack Handey in Deeper Thoughts (1993), a sequel…
“If God had wanted Texans to ski, He would have given them mountains”
"If God had wanted Texans to ski, He would have given them mountains" is an anti-Texas bumper sticker that appeared in New Mexico and in Colorado in the 1970s. Actually, it was Texas…
“If God isn’t a Longhorn, why is the sunset burnt orange?”
"If God isn't a Longhorn, why is the sunset burnt orange?" is a saying used by some fans of the University of Texas Longhorns. The official team color is burnt orange. Similar…
“If God wanted us to bend over, He’d have put diamonds on the floor”
Brooklyn-born comedian Joan Rivers (1933-2014) -- no fan of exercise -- said in 1988: "I don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over, He'd put diamonds on the floor." The…
“If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets”
"If God had intended us to fly, He would have given us wings" is a popular anonymous proverb. The jet age of the 1960s added a different ending: "If God wanted us to fly, he would…
“If government can suspend your rights anytime it deems something a crisis, you don’t have rights”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in, essentially, medical martial law. Many people were locked down in their homes. by order of state governors. "If the government can suspend your…
“If government can’t fix potholes, how can it fix the planet?”
"Statism is the belief that a group of people who can't fix potholes can fix an entire planet" is an anti-government saying that has been pritned on several images. "STATISM IS…
“If government is the answer, it was a stupid question”
"If government is the answer, it was a stupid question" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "If more government is the answer,…
“If graduation can’t be done at a gym or a football field, perhaps grads could walk thru Walmart”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…
“If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?”
"If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?" is a saying that has been printed on an image. "If guns cause crime then video cameras cause pornography" was posted on the…