“I have a drinking problem. I’m out of drinks”
I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink" was written by American singer and songwriter Tom Waits in the song "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart"…
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“I have a drinking problem. I’m out of money”
I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink" was written by American singer and songwriter Tom Waits in the song "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart"…
“I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it”
A pun about speed bumps has made many images: "I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it." "I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm getting over…
“I have a feeling that my ‘check liver’ light’ may come on this weekend”
Cars have a "check engine" light. People do not have a "check liver" light to see if it can handle more alcohol, but there are jokes. "Check liver light" has been…
“I have a five year plan to become more spontaneous”
Many people make plans to be more spontaneous, but do they make long term plans? "I have a five year plan to become more spontaneous" was posted on Twitter by Daveastated on August 27,…
“I have a friend who’s half Indian. Ian”
"I have a friend who's half Indian. Ian" was posted on Twitter by Ben Ames on June 20, 2011. “@sickipediabot: I have a friend who's half Indian. Ian” was posted on Twitter…
“I have a hard time finishing what I sta—”
Some people have a hard time finishing what they start. "Sometimes I have a hard time finishing what I sta" was posted on Twitter by OnWave on July 25, 2010. "I HAVE A HARD TIME…
“I have a horse named Mayo. Mayo neighs”
"Mayonnaise" sounds like "mayo neighs." A group of singers were called the "Mayo-Neighs" according to a 1968 newspaper. A horse was named "May O'Neighs"…
“I Have a Little Dreidel” or “My Dreidel” (The Dreidel Song)
Entry in progress -- B.P.dreidel Wikipedia: I Have a Little Dreidel"I Have a Little Dreidel" (also known as "The Dreidel Song" or "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel") is a…
“I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work”
"I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "I thought up a lot of jokes about unemployed people,…
“I have a love hat relationship with autocorrect”
"I have a love hat relationship with auto-correct...." -- a pun on "love-hate relationship" -- was posted on Twitter by John Daugherty on August 7, 2011. "I have a love hat…
“I have a lovely gold watch—a family heirloom. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold it to me”
Woody Allen performed this joke in his early 1960s standup act, and it was printed in Parade magazine on December 21, 1963: "I have a lovely gold watch -- a family heirloom. My grandfather, on…
“I have a medical condition. I’m allergic to tyranny. It makes me break out in rebellion”
"I have a medical condition. I'm allergic to tyranny. It makes me break out in rebellion" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is in reference to the COVID-19…
“I have a pen that can write underwater! It can also write other words, too”
"I've got a pen that can write underwater. And lots of other words" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Miles Watts on September 19, 2014. "I just got a pen that can write…
“I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer and I have a Czech one too”
Sound engineers often test by saying, "Check one-two." A joke has been printed on several images: "I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one too. A Czech…
“I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something. you’re still getting something impressive”
"I have a pretty big ass/butt, so when I half ass something. you're still getting something impressive" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Something…
“I have a pretty big butt, so when I half ass something you’re still getting something impressive”
"I have a pretty big ass/butt, so when I half ass something. you're still getting something impressive" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Something…
“I have a rice cake joke, but it’s tasteless”
Many people find rice cakes to be tasteless. "I have a rice cake joke, ......but it's tasteless" was posted on Twitter by Double Canister on July 25, 2020. "I had a joke about a…
“I have a smart phone with a dumb battery”
"I have a smart phone with a dumb battery" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Smart phone has a dumb battery" was posted on Twitter on April 17,…
“I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder”
Are step-ladders like step-fathers? "I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder" is a popular joke of uncertain origin. "It's not my REAL ladder. It's my…