“I found stir fry all over my bed this morning. I must have been sleep wokking again”
"Wok" can sound like "walk." Some people experience sleepwalking, and "sleep-wokking" has become a joke. "While we’re talking about sleep.. I woke up this…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“I found the key to success, only to discover that the door was never locked”
People often seek the key (or keys) to success. The "key" is a metaphor. "I found the key to success, only to discover that the door was never locked" is a one-line saying that…
“I found this on the local café menu—idemx rilgl. It was mixed grill”
A joke about "mixed grill" is of uncertain authorship. "I found this on the local café menu - idemx rilgl. So I asked the waitress what is it? She said mixed grill" was posted…
“I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves”
American abolitionist Harriet Tubman (1822-1913) is often credited with saying: "I freed thousands of slaves. I could have freed thousands more, if they had known they were slaves." There…
“I gave my freedom away to get my freedom back and I’m still not free and it’s all your fault”
"I gave my freedom away to get my freedom back and I'm still not free and it's all your fault" (or "I gave up my freedom to get my freedom back and I'm still not free…
“I gave up drinking on the 1st of January. It’s better for your health, and it’s only one day”
A joke at first sounds like a new year's resolution, but it isn't. "I gave up drinking on the 1st of January. It's better for your health, and it's only one day a…
“I gave up my freedom to get my freedom back and I’m still not free and it’s all your fault”
"I gave my freedom away to get my freedom back and I'm still not free and it's all your fault" (or "I gave up my freedom to get my freedom back and I'm still not free…
“I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus” (joke)
A joke about giving up a seat on the bus was posted to Reddit on October 8, 2016: "I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. That's how I lost my job as a bus driver." The joke…
“I General Lee don’t find civil war jokes funny”
Confederate General Robert E. Lee (1807-1870) has a name that sounds like the word "generally" (General Lee). "Civil War jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny" is a…
“I General Lee don’t find civil war puns to be funny”
Confederate General Robert E. Lee (1807-1870) has a name that sounds like the word "generally" (General Lee). "Civil War jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny" is a…
“I General Lee don’t care for Civil War jokes”
Confederate General Robert E. Lee (1807-1870) has a name that sounds like the word "generally" (General Lee). "Civil War jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny" is a…
“I get fatter and broker each time I don’t take my lunch to work”
People who forget to bring lunch from home to work often have to buy it. A saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on August 11, 2017: "I get fatter and broker each time I don't…
“I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief”
"I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The quote was posted on Twitter by Mr Roger Quimbly on…
“I get nostalgic when reversing my car. It always takes me back”
"I get nostalgic when reversing my car. It always takes me back" is a car joke that was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on June 18, 2018. The joke was also posted on Reddit -- Oneliners and…
“I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why family and friends expect that for free”
"I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why family and friends expect that for free" is a jocular line that has been printed on ecards. "I get paid to be nice to people at work. So…
“I give in to beer pressure”
"I give in to beer pressure" -- a beer pun on "peer pressure" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I give into peer pressure" is another form…
“I give the eclipse one star”
How does one rate an eclipse? How many stars? "I score the eclipse, minus one star" was posted on Twitter on March 20, 2015. Reviewers of the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse were more…
“I go to the gym almost every day—almost Monday, almost Tuesday…”
"I go to the gym almost every day -- almost Monday, almost Tuesday..." is a joke spoken by someone who almost never goes to the gym. "I go to the gym almost every day. Almost Monday,…
“I go to the gym religiously. About twice a year around the holidays”
To do something "religiously" usually means to do it regularly and well -- to please God. However, not everyone is religious. "Tell people you go to the gym religiously When they…
“I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder what is wrong with me, and then I clock out”
"I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder what is wrong with me, and then I clock out" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder…