“I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a bartender who works from home”
"I am not an unemployed alcoholic, I am a bartender who works from home" is a jocular line that was cited on Twitter by comedy wirter Richard Day on January 27, 2010. "I'm not…
Archive for /P27920
Minnesota: North Star State (nickname)
Minnesota, a state along the northern border of the United States with Canada, is called the "North Star State." Polaris, called the "Pole Star" or the "North Star,"…
“Why are most New York Italians called Tony?” (joke)
Many Italian men are named "Tony." There's a politically incorrect joke: Q: Why are most Italian men called "Tony"?A: Because they were sent to Ellis Island with "To…
“What’s the worst vegetable to bring on a boat?”/“A leek.”
A children's food joke involving leeks -- which sounds like "leaks" -- is: Q: What's the worst vegetable to bring on a boat?A: A leek. The joke was cited in print in 1892 and…
“What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?” (lawyer joke)
A popular lawyer joke is: Q: What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A: The tick drops off when you're dead. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1994. Google Books…
“What’s the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?” (joke)
A New York Yankees baseball riddle is: Q: What's the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a dentist?A: One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. The joke has been…
“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?” (lawyer joke)
A popular lawyer joke is: Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?A: A vampire only sucks blood at night. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1990. Google Groups:…
“Crime in New York is really serious. The Statue of Liberty had both hands up”
Comedian Jay Leno said on NBC's The Tonight Show in September 1990: "That crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up."…
“I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel”
A popular seafood pun is: "I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel." The "pulled a mussel/muscle" pun has been cited in print since at least 2003. Google…
“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?”/“The lawyer charges more.”
One popular lawyer joke is: Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?A: The lawyer charges more. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“A problem is a chance for you to do your best”
"A problem is a chance for you to do your best" is a saying that has been credited (since at least 1984) to American composer and bandleader Duke Ellington (1899-1974). The attribution…
“Two vampires walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A vampire version is: "Two vampires walk into a bar. 'I'll have a pint of…
“Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?”/“Because he was sitting on the deck.”
There's a joke about a deck of cards and a ship's deck: Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?A: Because he was sitting on the deck. "We have lots of singing and reading, but…
“Knock, knock.”/“Who’s there?”/“Cash.”/“Cash who?”
A knock-knock joke involving cash (and cashews) is: Knock, knock.Who's there?Cash.Cash who?What are you, some kind of nut? The joke has been cited in print since at least 1970. 13 December…
“How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?”/“You take away its tiny brooms.”
Bacon curls in the frying pan. This has nothing to do with the sport of curling, but there is a joke: Q: How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?A: You take away its tiny brooms! The…
“What did the sushi say to the bee?”/“Wasabi.”
A popular pun involving the word "wasabi" is: Q: What did the sushi say to be bee?A: Wasabi (What's up, bee). The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. Wikipedia:…
“How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?”/“You take away its tiny brooms.”
Bacon curls in the frying pan. This has nothing to do with the sport of curling, but there is a joke: Q: How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?A: You take away its tiny brooms! The…
“What clothes does a house wear?”/“Address.”
A pun about a house is: Q: What clothes does a house wear?A: Address (a dress). The joke has been cited in print since at least 1984. "Does a house wear a coat of paint 'cause it's…
“Who earns a living by driving customers away?”/“A taxi driver.”
A transportation riddle is: Q: Who earns a living by driving customers away?A: A taxi driver. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1955. 4 December 1955, South China Sunday Post-Herald…
“What kind of school does a carpenter go to?”/“Boarding school.”
"Boarding school" is the subject of an obvious pun: Q: What kind of school does a carpenter go to?A: Boarding school. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2003. “Flight…