“Money’s short, times are hard. Here’s your fucking Christmas card”
"Money's scarce/short/tight, times are hard. Here's your fucking Christmas card" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many ecards. The card implies that no money will be…
Archive for /P26380
“Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq?”/“Because they’re all Targets.”
Walmart and Target are competitor retail stores. A joke was told around the time of the Gulf War, such as this one posted to the newsgroup rec.humor.funny on March 14, 1991: Q: Why are there no…
“I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far”
A 301(k) retirement savings contribution plan shouldn't be confused with a 10K (kilometers) run, but there's a joke: "I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's…
“New Yorkers are noted for their stupidity” (NYC’s population is very dense)
A popular joke has a teacher ask students what the people of London or New York are noted for. One student says that the people are noted for their stupidity because the textbook says that…
“Why was the cannibal expelled from school?”/“Because he was buttering up his teacher.”
A popular "cannibal in school" riddle is: Q: Why was the cannibal expelled frm school?A: Because he was buttering up his teacher. The cannibal jokehas been cited in print since at least…
“What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?”/“Meals on wheels.”
A cannibal riddle is: Q: What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?A: Meals on wheels. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2003. Wikipedia: Meals on WheelsMeals on Wheels is a programme…
“What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?”/“Meals on wheels.”
A cannibal riddle is: Q: What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?A: Meals on wheels. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2003. Wikipedia: Meals on WheelsMeals on Wheels is a programme…
“Where do you go to weigh a pie?”/“Somewhere over the rainbow.”
"Over the Rainbow" is a famous song in the movie The Wizard of Oz (1939). The lyric "Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high" has famous misheard lyrics (a
“I like to hold hands at the movies. Which always seems to startle strangers”
American comedian Tom Rhodes posted on Twitter on August 25, 2012: "I like to hold hands at the movies. Which always seems to startle strangers." The line was voted as one of the top…
“An honest politician, a generous lawyer, and Santa Claus…” (joke)
A popular joke meme involves Santa Claus and/or the Easter Bunny, a smart or honest (blonde, drummer, lawyer, politician, et al.) and a dumb or dishonest (blonde, drummer, lawyer, politician et…
“A drummer with good time doesn’t exist” (joke)
A popular joke meme involves Santa Claus and/or the Easter Bunny, a smart or honest (blonde, drummer, lawyer, politician, et al.) and a dumb or dishonest (blonde, drummer, lawyer, politician et…
“What is a frog’s favorite drink?”/“Croak-a-cola.”
A popular children's riddle about the soft drink Coca-Cola is: Q: What is a frog's favorite drink?A: Croak-a-Cola. A "Croak-a-Cola" pun has been cited in print since at least…
“What athlete is warmest in winter?”/“A long jumper.”
A winter riddle is: Q: What athlete is warmest in winter?A: A long jumper. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2002. 24 December 2002, Evening Standard (London, UK), "Heard the…
“What do you call a singing elf?”/“A wrapper.”
Elves wrap toys, and there's a Christmas riddle: Q: What do you call a singing elf?A: A wrapper (rapper). "What do you call an elf than can sing ?........ A wrapper!" was posted to…
“What has 22 legs and 2 wings, but can’t fly?”/“A football team.”
A sports riddle is: Q: What has 22 legs and 2 wings, but can't fly?A: A football (soccer) team. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2002 and has been included in many…
“Veni, Vidi, Visa” (“I came, I saw, I did a little shopping”)
"Veni, Vidi, Visa" ("I came, I saw, I did a little shopping") is a joke on the Latin "Veni, vidi, vici" ("I came, I saw, I conquered"). "Visa" is…
“What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?”/“Shortbread.”
A popular Christmas riddle about elves is: Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?A: Shortbread. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1998. “Shortbread—They’re not…
“I bet Spider-Man could make a lot of money putting up Christmas lights in New York”
The fictional comic superhero Spider-Man climbs buildings and shoots his spider webs across New York City, but perhaps he could have a second career hanging Christmas lights? "Dear spiderman…
“Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?”/“In the dictionary.”
A Thanksgiving and Christmas riddle is: Q: When/Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?A: In the dictionary. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1995. “Where does Christmas…
“May your house always be too small to hold all your friends”
"May your home/house always be too small to hold all of your friends" is a saying that has been printed on many images. A "Household Hints from Heloise" by Heoise Cruse…