“If I spend 100 minutes with Geico, will I get free car insurance?”
A famous tagline for GEICO insurance ads is: "15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance." If you spend more than 15 minutes, could you save more money? "If I spend 100…
Archive for /P24460
“The 5 second rule does not apply when you have a 2 second dog”
A "5-second rule" is an unscientific rule that food dropped on the floor can be eaten if picked up within five seconds. "The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not…
“What happens when frogs park illegally?”/“They get toad.”
A frog joke has been cited in print since at least 1982: Q: What happens to illegally parked frogs?A: They get "toad" (towed) away. The "toad" pun has been printed on many…
“Why did the vegan meat cross the road?”/“To prove it wasn’t chicken.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A mock meat version is: Q: Why did the vegan meat cross the road?A:…
“Why did the vegan meat cross the road?”/“To prove it wasn’t chicken.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A mock meat version is: Q: Why did the vegan meat cross the road?A:…
“Name your baby ‘Gotham’” (joke)
The fictional superhero Batman always saves Gotham City. A joke has it that pregnant women should name their boys "Gotham." That way, if a mother needs help changing a diaper in the…
Confungry (confused + hungry)
"Confungry" (confused + hungry) is a term to describe someone who is hungry, but doesn't know what to eat. "Confungry" was posted -- with no explanation -- on Twitter on…
“Beer is just dream-flavored water”
"Beer/Tequila is just dream-flavored water" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I love me some 'Dream-flavored water'!" -- tequila -- was posted on…
“If I had a penny for every time I said ‘diet starts tomorrow,’ I’d afford lipo”
People often tell themselves, "My diet starts tomorrow," but tomorrow never comes. "If I had a nickle for every time I said 'The Diet Starts Tomorrow', I'd have enough…
“Tequila is just dream-flavored water”
"Beer/Tequila is just dream-flavored water" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I love me some 'Dream-flavored water'!" -- tequila -- was posted on…
“What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?”/“He wiped his ass.”
A cannibalism riddle is: Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?A: He wiped his ass. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on October 1, 1993. Google Groups:…
“I bought a Jewish sports car. It not only stops on a dime, it picks it up”
American singer, songwriter and novelist Kinky Friedman joked on the Jewish reputation for being tight with money. "Y'know the definition of a Jewish Cadillac? It stops on a dime and…
“I get fatter and broker each time I don’t take my lunch to work”
People who forget to bring lunch from home to work often have to buy it. A saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on August 11, 2017: "I get fatter and broker each time I don't…
“It’s kind of funny how there’s never lines at water park restrooms”
Many have wondered about what kids do in the water at water parks. "How come there are really long lines at the water park, but no lines at the bathrooms...?" was posted on Twitter on…
“Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?”/“She wanted to lay it on the line.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A jocular variation is: Q: Why did the chicken stop in the middle of…
“Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?”/“To get to the other side.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A jocular variation is: Q: Why did the chicken stop in the middle of…
“Coffee is my morning wine”
"Coffee is my morning wine" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Coffee is like my morning wine" was posted on Twitter on March 28, 2010. "Coffee is my…
“I bought a Jewish sports car. It not only stops on a dime, it picks it up”
American singer, songwriter and novelist Kinky Friedman joked on the Jewish reputation for being tight with money. "Y'know the definition of a Jewish Cadillac? It stops on a dime and…
Goolag (Google + gulag)
The American technology company Google has been called "Goolag" (Google + gulag) by those who believe that Google's corporate vision suppresses free speech on the internet. The…
“Why is a police dog called a K-9?”/“Because if it was higher it would be a cat.”
A police dog unit is called K-9 (canine). It's not called K-10 because -- according to the joke -- that would be a cat (kitten). "Police dog is K-9 (canine). If cats were trained they…