“Where do vegetarians go on holiday?”/“Quornwall.”
"Quornwall" is a jocular portmanteau word that combines "Quorn" (a meat substitute popular in the UK) and "Cornwall" (a county in the UK). "I also spelt…
Archive for /P22260
“Why do beavers spend a fortune on the internet?”/“They never want to log off.”
A beaver riddle is: Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the internet?A: They never want to log off. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2004. Google BooksSuper Goofy JokesBy Jacqueline…
“Politician’s Polka—one step forward, two steps back, and sidestep the issue”
Politicians frequently "dance" around the issues. On newspaper in 1914 described the "Wilson Mexican policy dance" -- "One step forward, three backward, hesitate and…
“When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say”
"When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by TheSingleWoman (author Mandy…
“I wanted to marry my jailed English teacher, but you can’t end a sentence with a proposition”
Students studying English are often told not to end a sentence with a preposition. The joke about a jailed English teacher having a marriage offer to "end a sentence with a proposition"…
“Many fine things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow”
"Many fine/great things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow" is an anti-proscrastination saying that has been printed on many images. "Lots of things…
“Do your homework or you’ll end up at McDonald’s”
"Do your homework or you'll end up (working) at McDonald's!" is a parent's threat to a child. If the child doesn't do well in school, then he or she will wind up…
“I saw a clown doing sit-ups. Funny how things work out”
"I saw a clown doing sit-ups. Funny how things work out. (via @russell_kane)" was posted on Twitter on March 2, 2012. The joke is from English comedian Ruseel Kane. Wikipedia: Russell…
“Why was the racehorse named Strawberry Ice?”/“He was a sherbet.”
A sherbet riddle is: Q: Why was the racehorse named Strawberry Ice?A: He was a sherbet (sure bet). The joke was posted on Twitter on November 2, 2009. Wiktionary: sherbet Nounsherbet (countable and…
“Which insect didn’t play well in goal?”/“The fumble bee.”
A bumble bee riddle is: Q: Which insect didn't play well in goal?A: The fumble bee. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. CPFC BBS furry mascots and football jokes.…
“Quant is another word for wild fucking guess with math”
Mike "Wags" Wagner of Axe Capital said on the Showtime television series Billions, on the episode "A Generation Too Late" that aired on April 8, 2018: "Quant is another…
“Why was the racehorse named Strawberry Ice?”/“He was a sherbet.”
A sherbet riddle is: Q: Why was the racehorse named Strawberry Ice?A: He was a sherbet (sure bet). The joke was posted on Twitter on November 2, 2009. Wiktionary: sherbet Nounsherbet (countable and…
“My dad told me he was into East Asian music and I was like, ‘k, pop…’”
"K-pop" (Korean popular music) is sometimes confused with "K, pop" (a response to a father). "A father asks his child, 'Could you please stop listening to Korean…
“I have an addiction to tag. It’ll be touch and go, whether I need professional help”
Jokes about the game of tag are very "touch and go." "I'm proud to say that I have finally beaten my addiction to playing Tag, but it was touch and go there for a while"…
“Mary, I’m having one more pint with the lads. If I’m not home in 20 minutes, read this again”
A joke "Irish text message" has been printed on several images: "Mary, I'm having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 minutes, read this message again."…
“I went to a vegan prostitute last night and she gave me her peas”
"Herpes" (a disease) sounds like "her peas," and there have been many puns. "I once went out with a girl that gave me peas with my dinner, just so she could say she gave me…
“I would buy an electric car, but they charge too much”
Electric cars need charges. "I wanted to get an electric car but I found they charged too much" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by C. Erika Lefevre (CAEL) on August 23. 2011. "I…
“I would die for shopping. I’m a Walmartyr”
The portmanteau word "Walmartyr" or 'Wal-Martyr" (Walmart + martyr) has had more than one meaning. Walmart (or Wal-Mart) is a chain of retail stores. The Urban Dictionary…
“Two Corinthians walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A New Testament version is: "Two Corinthians walk into a bar..." The Second…
“A linguist walks into a bar and orders an IPA…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A linguist version is: "A linguist walks into a bar and orders an IPA..."…