“Cinema means sin and enema”
"Cinema," for those who dislike the movies, is a word that combines "sin" and "enema." The book I Lost My Heart in Hollywood: Diary of a Dick (2011) by Will Veharo…
Archive for /P21700
“A contortionist in the Philippines would be a Manila folder”
Many offices use manila folders. A riddle about them is: Q: What do you call a contortionist from the Philippines?A: A Manila folder. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1974.…
“Democrats vote on Tuesday, Republicans vote on Wednesday” (joke)
U.S. presidential elections are held the first Tuesday in November. A joke has voters being told that "Republicans vote on Tuesday, Democrats vote on Wednesday," or "Democrats vote…
“The dream is free, but the hustle is sold separately”
"The dream is free, but the hustle is sold separately" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "The dream is free… But the Hustle is sold separately..!!** ~…
“A library is a hospital for the mind”
"A library is a hospital for the mind" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The library of the tomb complex of Ramses II (1279-1213 BC) at Thebes, Egypt, was inscribed with…
“Don’t limit your challenges. Challenge your limits”
"Don't limit your challenges. Challenge your limits" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been used in classified advertisements since at…
“Keep your goals away from the trolls”
"Keep your goals away from the trolls" is a saying that has been printed on many images. American self-help author Peter McWilliams (1949-2000) wrote in Love 101: To Love Oneself Is the…
“A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer, for even longer”
A popular lawyer joke is: "What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag on for years; a good lawyer can make it last even longer."…
“Republicans vote on Tuesday, Democrats vote on Wednesday” (joke)
U.S. presidential elections are held the first Tuesday in November. A joke has voters being told that "Republicans vote on Tuesday, Democrats vote on Wednesday," or "Democrats vote…
“There’s a reason the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror”
"There's a reason the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror. Where you're going is better than where you were" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower”
Many people's ancestors arrived on the Mayflower ship that landed in America in 1620. There was no ship called the "Juneflower," but there are jokes. "I'm always late. My…
“What did the monkey say after he got his tail in a lawn mower?”/“It won’t be long now.”
The are several puns about a monkey and its tail. "'That ends my tale,' said the monkey as he backed into the lawnmower" was printed in the Binghamton (NY) Press and Leader on…
“I’m always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower”
Many people's ancestors arrived on the Mayflower ship that landed in America in 1620. There was no ship called the "Juneflower," but there are jokes. "I'm always late. My…
“What did the monkey say after he got his tail in a revolving door?”/“It won’t be long now.”
A revolving door riddle is: Q: What did the monkey say after he got his tail caught in a revolving door?A: "It won't be long now." "What did the monkey say when he caught his…
“Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster. Wisdom is knowing that Frankenstein is”
Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (1818), a novel written by English author Mary Shelley (1797–1851), is named after the character of scientist Victor Frankenstein. The monster he brings to…
“What do call something that is average at making egg whites?”/“A medi-yolker.”
"Medi-yolker" sounds like an egg version of the word "mediocre." "These eggs are medi-yolker at but omelet it slide for now because I am hungry" was posted on Twitter…
“When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars”
"When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for (the) stars" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "When it rains look for the rainbow...…
“When my friend mixed onions with nitrous oxide, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry”
Slicing onions makes people cry. Nitrous oxide (laughing gas) makes people laugh. "I've been breathing nitrous oxide while chopping onions. I don't know whether to laugh or cry"…
“If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fly into space”
"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall…
“Female wanted; must have your own pub. Apply with inn”
Many want-ads say "apply within." "Friend reqired for drink fun: Apply with Inn" is a joke that was posted on Twitter on August 20, 2010. A joke included in Jokes for Blokes:…