“Breakfast is the best alarm”
"The smell of grandmas breakfast is the best alarm clock" was posted on Twitter by KB on June 27, 2009. "The smell of breakfast is the best alarm clock :)" was posted on Twitter…
Archive for 03/2020
“Due to panic purchasing, Walmart has opened a second checkout lane”
Walmart almost never, it seems, opens enough checkout lanes. "Update: Walmart prepares for the beginning of school year rush by opening a second register" was posted on Twitter by BSU…
“Coronavirus be canceling everything but my bills”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak resulted in many cancellations. "Why has #coronavirus canceled everything BUT my debt and my bills?" was posted on Twitter by André Marcel Harris on…
“You want to hear a coronavirus joke? You probably won’t get it”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak led to this "joke": "You want to hear a coronavirus joke? You probably won't get it." "Get it" refers to both the joke and the…
“Back in my day…there was so much toilet paper, people were stringing it up in the trees”
The 2019-20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic purchasing, especially in toilet paper. "Back in my day...there was so much toilet paper, people were literally stringing it up in the trees of…
“Passenger with autism on board” (vehicle sign)
"Adult/Child/Children/Occupant/Passenger/Person/Teen with autism on board" printed on many images. The sign warns that this occupant may not be able to respond in an emergency. This is a…
“You want to hear an Ebola joke? You probably won’t get it”
The Western African Ebola virus epidemic (2013-2016) led to this "joke": "You want to hear an Ebola joke? You probably won't get it." "Get it" refers to both the…
“Walked into a bank today and saw people wearing masks. Fortunately, it was just a robbery”
The 2019-20 coronavirus outbreak caused many people to purchase surgical masks. Many people with symptoms wore masks. "I was queueing in the bank local branch this morning and 2 guys arrived…
“The subway is just a moving waiting room”
Various forms of transportation have been described as "a moving waiting room." "Traveling is kind of like sitting in a moving waiting room" was posted on Reddit --…
“Person with autism on board” (vehicle sign)
"Adult/Child/Children/Occupant/Passenger/Person/Teen with autism on board" printed on many images. The sign warns that this occupant may not be able to respond in an emergency. This is a…
“Walked into a post office and saw people wearing masks. Fortunately, it was just a robbery”
The 2019-20 coronavirus outbreak caused many people to purchase surgical masks. Many people with symptoms wore masks. "I was queueing in the bank local branch this morning and 2 guys arrived…
“Coronavirus is canceling everything but my bills”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak resulted in many cancellations. "Why has #coronavirus canceled everything BUT my debt and my bills?" was posted on Twitter by André Marcel Harris on…
“I didn’t think my son stole from his trig teacher until I saw his room. All the sines were there”
"I never wanted to believe that my dad stole from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there” is a now-classic pun. There are math versions ("all the sines…
“Core elation is not causation” (joke)
An apple pun was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on March 10, 2020: "Violent crime has increased with the rate of people made joyous by the central part of an apple. But then again, core elation…
“Have you guys tried General Tso Tso’s chicken? It’s alright”
General Tso's chicken (a dish popularized in New York City) isn't called "General Tso Tso's chicken," but there are some "so-so" jokes. "I had dinner in a…
“General Tso Tso’s chicken is just okay”
General Tso's chicken (a dish popularized in New York City) isn't called "General Tso Tso's chicken," but there are some "so-so" jokes. "I had dinner in a…
“I don’t like to brag, but I’ve been avoiding people since way before the coronavirus”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused many people to stay at home and to avoid being with other people. Antisocial people felt vindicated. A joke was posted on Twitter by Snarky Mommy on March…
“It seems unfair that elevators have music, but stairs do not have music”
There is "elevator music," but usually no music for escalators or stairs. "Why dont escalators and stairs have music like elevators" was posted on Twitter by Sean on January 18,…
“A man in a wheelchair walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A man in a wheelchair can't walk into a bar, but there are a few jokes about this.…
“People used to cough to cover up a fart. Now they fart to cover up a cough!” (virus joke)
"Cough fart ... When someone coughs to hide a fart with devious intent" was entered in the Urban Dictionary on December 2, 2010. The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak reversed this.…