“Every second is one second closer to your next ice cream”
Many people love ice cream. "Every second you live is a second closer to your next ice cream" was posted on Twitter by Domo on November 9, 2015. "Every second is a second closer to…
Archive for 02/2019
“Self-checkouts are for teenagers buying their first condoms”
Teenagers used to be embarrassed making their first condom purchases at drug stores. Now, however, there is self-checkout. "No self checkout was created for every 17 year old boy buying…
“Exercise is just self-harm, but with benefits”
Exercise is often painful, but it can be a "good" kind of pain. "Exercise is just glorified self-harm" was posted on Twitter by Chris on May 23, 2010. "Don't let…
“I stayed in a hotel run by two contortionists. They bent over backwards for me”
Some hotels "bend over backwards" for their guests. "I stayed in a hotel recently run by two contortionists...They bent over backwards to make sure everything was…
“Saying ‘drugs and alcohol’ is like saying ‘vegetables and potatoes’”
Alcohol is a drug. "The term 'Drugs and alcohol' is like saying 'Food and mashed potatoes'" was posted on the newsgroup alt.tv.buffy-v-slayer on April 20, 2004.…
“What happens when you eat aluminum foil?”/“You sheet metal.”
"Sheet" can sound like "shit." A pun was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 14, 2018: "You know what happens when you eat aluminum foil? You sheet metal." A popular…
“An Australian marsupial hops into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A marsupial version is: "An Australian marsupial hops into a bar and the barman says,…
“I keep trying to remember to buy new Post-It notes, but I don’t have anything to remind me”
Post-It notes are reminders, but when they run out, how does someone remember to buy more? "I keep forgetting to buy new Post-its because I have nothing left I can use to remind me to buy new…
“My dad’s sister works in a Paris bakery and hates it. She’s a cross aunt”
"Croissant" sounds a bit like "cross aunt." "Yes, if we were in Paris, we'd deserve a French Toast."/"And if our uncle's wife got mad at us, we'd…
Silicon Swamp (New Orleans nickname)
New Orleans, in a borrowing from Silicon Valley, has been called a "Silicon Bayou" or (less frequently) "Silicon Swamp." "'Silicon swamp' forming" by Jane…
Silicon Bayou (New Orleans nickname)
New Orleans, in a borrowing from Silicon Valley, has been called a "Silicon Bayou" or (less frequently) "Silicon Swamp." "Embracing the name 'Silicon Bayou,' the…
“Say no to drugs. Then again, if you’re talking to drugs, you’re probably on drugs”
"Just Say No (to drugs)" was a public service advertising campaign in the 1980s and 1990s. There have been many jokes about "talking to drugs." "They said 'Say no to…
“People who live in glass houses should take out insurance”
"Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" (one shouldn't criticize others when the same criticism can be directed at one's self) is an old proverb from at…
Broadway Bible (New York Morning Telegraph, Variety nickname)
Both the New York (NY) Morning Telegraph newspaper and Variety magazine have been called the "Bible of Broadway" or the "Broadway Bible." "In his theatrical column in the…
“Pizza crusts are just free breadsticks”
Many people who eat pizza do not eat the pizza crusts. "You know all pizza crusts you didn't eat tonight? If you save them for tomorrow they cease to be old crusts and become free…
Broadway Bible (New York Morning Telegraph, Variety nickname)
Both the New York (NY) Morning Telegraph newspaper and Variety magazine have been called the "Bible of Broadway" or the "Broadway Bible." "In his theatrical column in the…
Statue of Liberty Slam Dunk (basketball)
A "Statue of Liberty" slam dunk is one where a basketball player holds the ball in one outstretched arm, like New York City's Statue of Liberty holds her torch. "Credit (James…
Statue of Liberty Slam Dunk (basketball)
A "Statue of Liberty" slam dunk is one where a basketball player holds the ball in one outstretched arm, like New York City's Statue of Liberty holds her torch. "Credit (James…
Statue of Liberty Play (football)
The Statue of Liberty play -- usually called "the old Statue of Liberty Play" -- is a trick football play that fakes a pass, but is really a handoff to someone just behind the passer. The…
Torpedo Soup (Malaysian bull’s penis soup)
"Torpedo soup" (called "sup torpedo" in Malaysian) or "beef torpedo" is a bull's penis soup, and is, supposedly, an aphrodisiac. "How many tourists would…