“If you are what you eat, then zombies are humans”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
Archive for 10/2017
“I need glasses to see my family. Specifically, two glasses of Scotch”
"Glasses" can mean eyeglasses, but it can also mean drinking glasses. "I've been writing for 40min and my head is spinning already. I think I need glasses. two glasses. of…
“Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?”/“He didn’t have any guts.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A skeleton version is: Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?A:…
Cardinals (St. Louis baseball team in the National League)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: St. Louis CardinalsThe St. Louis Cardinals are an American professional baseball team based in St. Louis, Missouri. The Cardinals compete in Major League…
“Boomerangs are just frisbees for lonely people”
"Boomerangs are just frisbees for lonely people" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Both boomerangs and frisbees are thrown, but a boomerang can be returned without the…
“ATMs are pressed for cash”
The term "pressed for cash" -- needing money -- usually doesn't mean literal pressing, but a joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners pn October 26, 2017: "ATMs are pressed for…
“If you are what you eat, then zombies should be a lot smarter”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“Gyms are just tailors for birthday suits”
A gym has sometimes been called a tailor for a "birthday suit." " I'm 'bout to hit the gym and tailor my birthday suit" was posted on Twitter on May 12, 2010.…
“What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?”/“Sorry, you’re not my type.”
A keyboard riddle is: Q: What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?A: "Sorry, you're not my type." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2002. 23 February 2002, The…
“How do you make a violin sound like a viola?”/“Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.”
A viola joke is: Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on July 8, 1992. “How do you…
“Salt is just tasty rocks”
Do people eat rocks? "Salt is definitely a very tasty rock" was posted on Twitter on November 1, 2010. "It's weird to think salt is really tasty crushed up rock" was posted…
“What do frogs drink?”/“Hot croako.”
A frog riddle is: Q: What do frogs drink?A: Hot croako. The "hot croako"/"hot cocoa" joke was posted on the newsgroup sci.geo.geology on June 28, 2000. “What is a frog’s…
“What’s the difference between male spaghetti and female spaghetti?”/“Meatballs.”
A spaghetti riddle is: Q: What's the difference between male spaghetti and female spaghetti?A: Meatballs. "What do female spaghetti enjoy? Meatballs" was posted on Twitter on January…
“What’s the best kind of grass for your front yard?”/“Emo grass because it cuts itself.”
An “emo” joke has been told on several images: Q: What’s the best kind of grass for your front yard?A: Emo grass because it cuts itself. "Emo grass -- the grass that cuts itself"…
“Successful pianists know the key to success”
People often seek the key (or keys) to success. "Successful pianists know the key to success" is a joke that was posted on the website Pun of the Day on August 10, 2017. Other sayings…
“What’s a skunk’s favorite game in school?”/“Show and smell.”
A riddle about "show and tell" is: Q: What's a skunk's favorite game in school?A: Show and smell. "Why would you bring a pet skunk to school? For show and smell!" was…
“Ketchup makes bad food better but good food worse”
Adding ketchup to food makes it taste like ketchup. That makes bad food taste better, but it makes good food taste worse. "Ketchup makes bad food taste good.... but good food taste bad #Hmmm…
Battle of the ‘Burbs (Long Island Nets vs. Westchester Knicks)
The "Battle of the 'Burbs" (New York City suburbs) is when basketball's Long Island Nets (the development league team of the Brooklyn Nets) play against the Westchester Knicks…
Hotumn (hot + autumn)
"Hotumn" (hot + autumn) is any unseasonably hot period in the fall season. "It's Hotumn" was printed in the Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland) on November 6, 2003.…
“If you’re on death row, request Olive Garden’s ‘Never Ending Pasta Bowl’ as a last meal”
A joke is that an inmate on death row should order a last meal from the Olive Garden restaurant. "If you were on death row, what would your last meal be? — Olive Garden's Never Ending…