“We serve soup to nuts” (restaurant joke)
"From soup to nuts" is an old expression meaning everything, from beginning (soup) to end (nuts). "Nuts," however, is also slang for "crazy," prompting this 1935 joke:…
Archive for 06/2015
“Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division”
"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division" is a popular biology joke. Cells multiply when a cell divides. "Biology is the only science in…
“Gossip columnist—One who writes other’s wrongs”
A jocular definition of a gossip columnist is: "Gossip columnist -- one who writes other's wrongs." The definition has been cited in print since at least 1964. It's not known…
“Abundance—Big party held in a bakery”
The word "abundance" does not mean "a bun dance," but there is a joke definition: "Abundance: Big party held in a bakery." The joke has been cited in print since 2000…
“Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth”
"Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth" is a saying that has been printed on many posters and an ecard. The saying was cited on Twitter on…
“Miser—A person who lets the world go buy”
Paul H. Gilbert's syndicated newspaper column of "Daffynitions" (humorous or "daffy" definitions) included the following in January 1947: "MISER: A man who lets the…
“Why are clouds like jockeys?”/“When they hold the rains.”
A "rains/reins" pun from 1878 is: "When are the clouds like jockeys? When they hold the rains." The joke was repopularized (or reinvented) in the 2000s. "Why are clouds…
“Racetrack—A place where the windows clean the people”
Paul H. Gilbert's syndicated newspaper column of "Daffynitions" (humorous or "daffy" definitions) included the following in October 1947: "RACE TRACK: A place where…
“Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?”
"Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?" asked American author Richard Lederer in "English Is A Crazy Language," an essay…
Toilet-to-Tap (recycled water)
"Toilet-to-tap" (or "toilet to tap") is another term for "recycled water." The term is unpalatable to some, with a clear reminder of the source (the toilet) of the…
“Don’t wish for it—work for it”
"Don't wish for it -- work for it" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. "Don't wish for it, work for it!" was in a 1921 classified…
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live”
"Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live" is a saying that has been printed on many posters. American author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn (1930-2009) wrote…
“Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?” (joke)
A corny old golf joke goes: Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? A: In case he got a hole in one. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1946. 21 June 1946, Bowie (TX) News,…
“There are a thousand ways to lose a horse race and only one way to win”
"There are a thousand ways to lose a horse race and only one way to win" is an old horse racing adage. "Jim Fitzsimmons has contended for many years that there are 1,500 ways to lose…
“Why don’t government workers stare out the window in the morning?”
There's an old joke about government workers (civil servants): Q: Why don't civil servants look out the window in the morning? A: Because they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.…
“If you can’t get to a good pitcher early, you might not get him” (baseball adage)
A pitcher often needs the first inning (and sometimes the second and third innings) to get into rhythm and settle down. Once a good pitcher gets into his rhythm and settles down, the other team is…
“Pressure can burst a pipe or pressure can make a diamond”
"Pressure can burst a pipe or pressure can make a diamond" means that pressure can bring out the best or the worst. ""Pressure made the diamond," entertainer Diana Ross…
“If the bar ain’t bending, you’re just pretending”
"If the bar ain't bending, you're just pretending" is a weightlifting saying that has been printed on T-shirts and posters. "If the bar ain't bending, you're just…
Screwel, Screwl, Scrool, Scruel, Skrewel, Skrewl (school)
"School" has been purposely misspelled many ways, such as "screwel," "screwl," "scrool," "scruel," "skrewel" and "skrewl."…
“Choose a major you love and you’ll never work a day in your life because that field isn’t hiring”
"Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life" is an old saying. "Choose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life because that field…