“I drink as I dress: Chablis”
"I drink as I dress: Chablis" (also "I dress as I drink: Chablis") is a pun on "Chablis"/"shabbily." "i drink as i dress...Chablis" was cited in…
Archive for 11/2014
“You can’t do today’s job with yesterday’s tools and still be in business tomorrow”
You can't do today's job with yesterday's tools and still be in business tomorrow" is a popular business saying of unknown authorship. "You can't do business today…
“Public school is a place of detention for children placed in the care of teachers…”
A popular saying about school is: “Public school is a place of detention for children placed in the care of teachers who are afraid of the principal, principals who are afraid of the school…
“They pretend to pay us and we pretend to work” (Soviet joke)
"They pretend to pay us and we pretend to work" was a popular joke with workers in the Soviet Union. The salary was always small, so workers didn't have an incentive to work hard.…
“You aren’t going to get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have”
"You aren't going to get the ass/butt you want by sitting on the one you have" is a saying that has been printed on many posters. "You aren't going to get the butt you want…
“If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it”
"A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If you have ties or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it" (also, "If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble"…
“Every time you make a typo, the errorists win”
"Every time you make a typo, the errorists win" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, coffee mugs and T-shirts. "The errorists win" is a…
“Don’t chase anything but drinks and dreams”
"Don't chase anything but drinks and dreams" is a saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying has been cited on Twitter since January 11, 2001. Authorship is unknown.…
“Run like you stole something”
"Run like you stole something" is a saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying means to run fast; if you're stealing something, you don't want to get caught.…
Illuminutty (Illuminati + nutty)
The Illuminati is a secret society that was founded in 1976. The "Illuminati" is used in the 21st century as a code term for the world's elite, who manipulate the masses to bring…
“Why does no one starve in a desert?” (joke)
"Sand which is" is an old pun on "sandwiches." "Why surely you can afford it here (the seaside -- ed.), for you would not have to pay a farthing if you were to eat all the…
“How many apples grow on a tree?/“All of them.”
"How many apples grow on a tree?" is a popular children's riddle. "All of them" is the answer. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. "How many…
“How many cranberries grow on a bush?”/“All of them.”
A popular cranberry riddle (often included in Thanksgiving joke collections) is: Q: How many cranberries grow on a bush?A: All of them. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2008.…
“What’s the best thing to put into a cake or pie?”/“Your teeth.”
"What is the best thing to put into a cake/pie?" is a classic joke. "Your teeth" is the answer. "What is the best thing to put in pie?" has been cited in print since…
“What are unhappy cranberries called?”/“Blueberries.”
"What are unhappy cranberries called? Blueberries." The cranberries joke -- included in many Thanksgiving joke collections -- has been cited in print since at least 1986. Google BooksThe…
“How does a turkey drink her wine?”/“In a gobble-let.”
One popular Thanksgiving joke is: Q: How does a turkey drink her wine?A: In a gobble-let! The joke has been cited in print since at least 2004. SEGA Forumshow to cook a…
Thankscaking (Thanksgiving + cake)
"Thankscaking" (Thanksgiving + cake) was popularized in the Huffington Post article, "Thanksgiving Cake Combines All Your Favorite Sides Into One Swell Slice. Go Nail…
Two Left Feet (clumsy at dancing)
A person who has "two left left" is clumsy and can't do various things, such as dance, play soccer, or march. The "two left feet" expression was popularized by…
“If it burns, it earns”
"If it burns, it earns” means that tabloid newspapers and radio/television news lead their news reports with sensationalist stories, such as violence. The Crisis Papers published "If It…
“The most dangerous part of an automobile is the nut behind the wheel”
"The most dangerous part of an automobile is the nut behind the wheel" is an old saying about auto safety. The "nut" is the driver. The following poem was in the Brooklyn (NY)…