“Would you like a glass of water?”/“I’m thirsty, not dirty.”
A classic drinking saying has one person ask for something to drink. "Would you like a glass of water?" replies the other. "I'm thirsty, not dirty!" the person explains.…
Alphebetical for "w"
“Would you like some cheese with that whine?”
Wine and cheese is a popular combination. "Would you like some cheese with that whine?" is a joke saying that dates in print to at least 1991. The saying was made popular in the early…
“Would you like to hear the world’s best Aggie joke?” (Aggie joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." Aggie jokes became popular in the 1960s. The two joke forms converged on one popular joke.…
“Would you like to hear today’s special?” (restaurant joke)
A waiter or waitress often tells diners about the day's special menu. "Today's special" does not mean that the day itself is special, but there are jokes. This was posted on…
“Would you like to see a model home?”/“Sure! When does she get off work?”
New York City-born comedian and actor Milton Berle (1908-2002) was quoted with this joke in the January 1943 Reader's Digest: "Would you like to see a model home?" "Glad to.…
“Would you like to share a cab?” (joke)
Many jokes were told about New York City's dangerous economic times in the 1970s. Comedian Marty Allen told this joke in 1975: "A visitor to New York was asked at the airport by a…
“Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called ‘Headmaster?’”
"Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called 'Headmaster?'" is a popular pun. The jocular question was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“Wouldn’t an ‘all butter croissant’ be butter?”
What is an "all butter croissant"? And do you put butter on it? "How is it that an 'all butter' croissant is not just a big pile of butter...?" was posted on X/Twitter…
“Wow! BoJack and Todd in the Big Apple!” (BoJack Horseman episode, 2016)
BoJack Horseman is an American adult animated tragicomedy sitcom. In season 3, episode 1, "Start Spreading The News" that originally aired on July 22, 2016, BoJack promoted his film…
“Wow! BoJack and Todd in the Big Apple!” (BoJack Horseman episode, 2016)
BoJack Horseman is an American adult animated tragicomedy sitcom. In season 3, episode 1, "Start Spreading The News" that originally aired on July 22, 2016, BoJack promoted his film…
“Wow.. bars, clubs, and gyms all closed? My life is about to seriously be exactly the same”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many closings. A joke was posted on Twitter by danielle weisberg on March 15, 2020: "Wow.. bars, clubs, and gyms all closed?? my life is about to…
“Wrapping presents is folding laundry’s asshole cousin”
"Wrapping presents is folding laundry’s asshole cousin" is a saying that has been printed on several images. Many people hate wrapping presents, just as they hate folding laundry.…
“Wrapping presents is the folding laundry of Christmas”
"Wrapping presents is folding laundry’s asshole cousin" is a saying that has been printed on several images. Many people hate wrapping presents, just as they hate folding laundry.…
“Wreck ‘em, Tech” (Texas Tech)
"Wreck 'em, Tech" is disputed. Texas Tech claims that it's part of an old college slogan, but Red Raider Outfitter claims that it was not trademarked when they marketed…
“Wrestling is a sport where people without pants fight for a belt”
"Wrestling is a sport where people without pants fight for a belt" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Wrestling is where men without pants fight for a belt.…
“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.—Anonymous”
"Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. -- Anonymous" is a popular joke saying. The line has been cited in print since at least 1999, but it is -- unsurprisingly -- of…
“Write drunk, edit sober”
"Write drunk, edit sober" ha been printed on many gift items, such as posters, mugs and T-shirts. The one-line saying has usually been attributed to writer Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961),…
“Write two letters” (blaming predecessor joke)
According to an old joke, Joseph Stalin (1878-1953) gave to Nikita Khrushchev (1894-1971) -- or a corporate CEO gives to a successor -- two letters to open in case of emergency and extreme…
“Writing a daily column is like being married to a nymphomaniac”
"Writing a daily column is like being married to a nymphomaniac," newspaper columnists often claim. "Every time you think you're through, you have to do it again." The…
“Wrote a play about weather, with 100 actors as clouds. It was overcast”
"Overcast" weather is when the sky is covered with clouds. An "over-cast" play has too many actors. There have been many "overcast" puns. "I had an audition for a…