“What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?”/“Taller.”
Some people think that lawyer are "dicks," and there's a joke: Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?A: He gets taller. The lawyer joke has been cited in print since at least…
Alphebetical for "w"
“What does a nosey pepper do?”/“It gets jalapeño business!”
"Jalapeño business" sounds like "all up in your business," and there's a joke: Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?A: Jalapeño business! The joke has been cited since at…
“What does a nosy pepper do?”/“It gets jalapeño business.”
"Jalapeño business" sounds like "all up in your business," and there's a joke: Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?A: Jalapeño business! The joke has been cited since at…
“What does a painter do when he gets cold?”/“He puts on another coat.”
A painter riddle is: Q: What does a painter do when he gets cold?A: He puts on another coat. The pun is on a "coat" (of paint) versus a "coat" (of clothing). The painter joke…
“What does a panda cook with?”/“A pan, duh!”
The word "panda" sounds like "pan, duh." A riddle was posted on Twitter by Nickiey on June 10, 2009. Q: What does a panda cook with? A: A PAN duh!! A slightly different version…
“What does a pear tree do before growing its fruit?”/“It pre-pears.”
The word "prepare" as nothing to do with pears, but there are jokes. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 30, 2020: Q: What does a pear tree do before growing it's…
“What does a penguin waiter say?”/“Waddle it be?”
"What do penguin waiters say? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 'Waddle it be?'" was posted on Twitter by Bobby Mitchum…
“What does a physicist have for lunch?”/“Fission chips.”
"Fish and chips" became "fission chips" from several punsters in the 1940s, at the start of the nuclear age. "Fission chips" has been cited in print since at least…
“What does a pizza wear to smell good?”/“Calzogne.”
A pizza riddle is: Q: What does a pizza wear to smell good?A: Calzogne. (calzone + cologne) "Calzogne for to smell like an Italian meal" was posted on Twitter by Her Eekcellency on…
“What does a politician do after he dies?”/“He lies still.”
Lawyers have a reputation for stretching the truth (lying). An old joke has it that when a lawyer goes to bed, he lies on his right side and then he lies on his left side, and when he dies he lies…
“What does a politician have to do to get arrested in this country?”
"WHAT DOES A POLITICIAN HAVE TO DO TO GET ARRESTED IN THIS COUNTRY?" (shown on an image) was posted on X/Twitter by Sheri Unfiltered™ on January 1, 2026, and this received over 12,000…
“What does a programmer wear?”/“Whatever is in the dress code.”
Programmers write code, and a programmer riddle is: Q: What does a programmer wear?A: Whatever is in the dress code. The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 13, 2018. Reddit -- JokesWhat…
“What does a pulley like the best about its position? It’s the center of a tension”
"What does a pulley like the best about its position? It's the center of a tension" -- a pun on "center of attention" -- was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 18, 2017.…
“What does a redneck and yeast have in common?”/“They are both in bread.”
A popular redneck joke is: Q: What does a redneck and yeast have in common?A: They are both in bread (inbred). "Q:What do a redneck and yeast have in common? A:They're both found with…
“What does a termite order at the restaurant?”/“A table for two!”
"two termites came to the restaurant, the waiter asks them: -what are you going to order? -Table for two, please!" was posted on Twitter by Gennady Simanovsky on November 30, 2018.…
“What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?”/“Synonym rolls.”
"Cinnamon rolls" have been jokingly referred to as "synonym rolls" since at least the 1990s. "Made some synonym rolls" was a popular tweet on July 9, 2014. "What…
“What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?”/“A stake sandwich.”
A vampire riddle is: Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?A: A stake (steak) sandwich. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on October 30, 1999. “What does a vampire…
“What does a vampire order at a Chinese restaurant?”/“Chow vein.”
A vampire riddle was posted on Twitter on May 17, 2012: Q: What's the most popular dish at a Chinese Vampire Restaurant? A: Chow Vein. A similar riddle was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on…
“What does a vegan cannibal eat?”/“Human beans.”
"Rutabaga" is called "swede" in British English, and another name is "Swedish turnip." "Swede" can be confused with a person from Sweden. A classic riddle,…
“What does a vegan cannibal eat?”/“Kurds.”
"Rutabaga" is called "swede" in British English, and another name is "Swedish turnip." "Swede" can be confused with a person from Sweden. A classic riddle,…