“Two choices: take it or leave it” (food menu joke)
"Today's Menu: Take it or Leave it" is a humorous saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as wall plaques and posters. The joke dates to at least 1944, when "take…
Alphebetical for "t"
“Two clowns are eating a cannibal” (joke)
“Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?"/"Because they taste funny!” is a classic joke. "Met someone today who accidentally started the joke 'Two clowns are eating a…
“Two condoms walk past a gay bar…” (joke)
To be "shit-faced" drunk is to be very drunk. A politically incorrect joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on May 31, 1991: "These two condoms are walking down the street, and…
“Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven…” (9/11 joke)
"Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven..." is the start of a joke that had been cited in print since at least 2008. The conspiracy theorists ask God who did the September 11, 2001…
“Two Corinthians walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A New Testament version is: "Two Corinthians walk into a bar..." The Second…
“Two crisps are walking down the road…” (Walkers crisps joke)
Walkers crisps (potato chips) are the most popular brand in the UK. A "walker" joke is told about Walkers. This was posted on the newsgroup eunet.jokes on September 10, 1991: "A guy…
“Two crows walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." There are several crow versions, some involving a "crowbar" and others involving…
“Two deer walk out of a gay bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A deer version is: "Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One turns to the other and says,…
“Two dragons walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A dragon version is: "Two dragons walk into a bar. One dragon says, 'It’s warm…
“Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-Dum-Tss”
The rimshot became famous as a drummer's support of a comedian after a (usually bad or unusually corny) joke. The drum sounds are written as "boom boom" and "ba dum tss."…
“Two elephants and a snake fall off a cliff. Boom-Boom-Tss”
The rimshot became famous as a drummer's support of a comedian after a (usually bad or unusually corny) joke. The drum sounds are written as "boom boom" and "ba dum tss."…
“Two elephants and cymbals fall off a cliff. Boom-Boom-Tss”
The rimshot became famous as a drummer's support of a comedian after a (usually bad or unusually corny) joke. The drum sounds are written as "boom boom" and "ba dum tss."…
“Two elephants walk off a cliff. Boom boom!”
The rimshot became famous as a drummer's support of a comedian after a (usually bad or unusually corny) joke. The drum sounds are written as "boom boom" and "ba dum tss."…
“Two elves walk into a bar. A dwarf walks under it” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An elf version is: "Two elves walk into a bar. The dwarf laughs and walks under…
“Two elves walk into a bar. A hobbit walks under it” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An elf version is: "An elf walks into a bar. The hobbit laughs and walks under…
“Two faces and a ball” (sports photography rule)
"Two faces and a ball" is a sports photography rule; a good sports shot usually shows an offensive player, the ball, and a defensive player. The shot is also better if the players'…
“Two fermions walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A physics joke about two fermions (and the Pauli exclusion principle) is: "Two…
“Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One says, ‘Play better. Tomorrow, we’re in the cup!’”
Soccer ("football" in the UK) has its World Cup tournament. "Two flies were playing a game of football on a saucer., One called across to the other: George, he said. we'll have…
“Two guys walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version with two guys is: "Two guys walk into a bar. The bartender walks over.…
“Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular science bar joke is: "Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. 'I've…