“Someone complimented my parking, leaving a note saying ‘Parking Fine’”
A popular parking joke is: "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, It said 'Parking Fine.' So that was…
Alphebetical for "s"
“Someone crash the housing market again so I can buy a place to live”
Many people find housing to be unaffordable. "Please crash the housing market again so I can buy up some cheap land" was posted on Twitter by governor mccheese on May 24, 2018. "I…
“Someone deffo farts in packets of ham before they are sealed”
Packets of ham have a certain smell, and some people believe that farts are added before a package is sealed. "It must be the weirdest job in the world putting farts in packets of ham #random…
“Someone has glued my deck of cards together. I don’t know how to deal with it”
The expression "deal with it" usually doesn't involve playing cards, but there are jokes. "I cant deal with it....Like a deck of cards glued together" was posted on Twitter…
“Someone has glued my pack of cards together. I don’t know how to deal with it”
The expression "deal with it" usually doesn't involve playing cards, but there are jokes. "I cant deal with it....Like a deck of cards glued together" was posted on Twitter…
“Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment The plot thickens…”
"The plot thickens" usually refers to a story or situation, but there is a pun: "Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though.…
“Someone keeps putting vegetables in the beer crisper”
"Someone keeps putting vegetables in my/the beer crisper" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Urban Dictionarybeer crisperthe bottom drawer in a refrigerator used as the…
“Someone offered me a nice cup of green tea. So naturally I said yes, matcha-bliged”
"Much obliged" is sometimes joked as "matcha-bliged," with a pun on "matcha" (a finely ground powder of specially grown and processed green tea leaves). "The next…
“Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I’m not used to consuming wine in pill form”
"Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "'Someone offered me…
“Someone once told me that time heals all wounds. That’s right, I said. Then I broke their wrist & gave them my watch”
"Time heals all wounds" is an old saying that might or might not be true. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Princess Buttercup on May 23, 2014, and it received over 7,500 likes:…
“Someone open a food truck that specializes in dumplings. Call it The Dump Truck”
Dumplings have nothing to do with dump trucks, but there are jokes. "'Someone needs to do a dumpling food truck w/ potstickers, momos and stuff. And call it The Dump Truck.'…
“Someone please call 9 Wine Wine”
"Someone please call 9 Wine Wine" -- a wine joke on a "911" emergency call -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "DIAL 9-WINE-WINE: When in pain, call the…
“Someone removed the fifth month from all my calendars. I am really dismayed”
The word "dismay" has nothing to do with the month of May, but there are jokes. "Dismay: To insult the 5th month" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on March 23, 2005.…
“Someone should rewrite the history books to refer to ancient spice traders as thyme travelers”
"Herb traders are thyme travelers" is a jocular one-line saying that was posted on Twitter by Glenn Fleishman on March 7, 2016. A similar saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts…
“Someone should start a rumor of a shortage of jobs so everybody panics and gets one”
The year 2020 saw panic buying of toilet paper. The year 2021 saw panic buying of gasoline. This was posted on Facebook by Michael Wayne Hurst on May 10, 2021: "Someone should start a rumor of…
“Someone stole my broken calculator, but I don’t know why. It just doesn’t add up”
"Add up" means to make a mathematical sum. "Doesn't add up" means that something doesn't make sense. "Someone nicked my broken calculator at work!......it just…
“Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m off to the police station to look at mug shots”
"Someone stole my coffee cup from work on Friday. Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots" is a joke that has been printed on several images. The joke was posted…
“Someone stole some of my rap CDs. Oh well, no biggie”
"No biggie" means "no big deal." Brooklyn-born Christopher George Latore Wallace (1972-1997) -- known professionally as The Notorious B.I.G., Biggie Smalls, or Biggie -- is,…
“Someone threw a bottle of mayo at me. I was like, what the Hellmann”
Hellmann's is a popular brand of mayonnaise. There are, of course, "hell man" jokes. "My girlfriend just threw mayonnaise at me, what the Hellman" was posted on Twitter by…
“Someone told me I looked like a salt cellar. I took it as a condiment”
“He said, ‘You remind me of a pepper pot.’ I said, ‘I’ll take that as a condiment’” is a joke that has been told by many British comedians. There are other condiment variations.…