"They need to make a beer called 'Occasionally', so when I tell people that I only drink occasionally, they wont judge me" is a joke that was posted on Twitter on August 24,…
“He said, ‘You remind me of a pepper pot.’ I said, ‘I’ll take that as a condiment’” is a joke that has been told by many British comedians. There are other condiment variations.…
Pete Rose was a fiercely competitive baseball player. In an interview with Esquire magazine that was published in 1974, Rose said: "Winning is the only thing. Somebody's gotta win and…
"Someday is not a day of the week" is a saying that has been printed on many posters. If something is schedule to be completed "someday," that often means "never."…
It's sometimes believed that one isn't a real New Yorker until he or she gives someone directions. "I just educated 2 people about local and limited busses and gave someone…
"Fall" can mean "autumn," but it can also mean something or someone who descended quickly. "Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall, it took me a moment to realize…
There is a joke with the terms "occupation and "pre-occupied." "Unemployment is good now because i realized i can put 'pre-occupied' on any forms that ask for my…
The Kentucky Derby has been compared to NASCAR (National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing). "Kentucky Derby = Amish Nascar?" was posted on Twitter by Shea on May 5, 2011. "The…
A popular parking joke is: "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, It said 'Parking Fine.' So that was…
Many people find housing to be unaffordable. "Please crash the housing market again so I can buy up some cheap land" was posted on Twitter by governor mccheese on May 24, 2018. "I…
Packets of ham have a certain smell, and some people believe that farts are added before a package is sealed. "It must be the weirdest job in the world putting farts in packets of ham #random…
The expression "deal with it" usually doesn't involve playing cards, but there are jokes. "I cant deal with it....Like a deck of cards glued together" was posted on Twitter…
The expression "deal with it" usually doesn't involve playing cards, but there are jokes. "I cant deal with it....Like a deck of cards glued together" was posted on Twitter…
"The plot thickens" usually refers to a story or situation, but there is a pun: "Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though.…
"Someone keeps putting vegetables in my/the beer crisper" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Urban Dictionarybeer crisperthe bottom drawer in a refrigerator used as the…
"Much obliged" is sometimes joked as "matcha-bliged," with a pun on "matcha" (a finely ground powder of specially grown and processed green tea leaves). "The next…
"Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "'Someone offered me…
Dumplings have nothing to do with dump trucks, but there are jokes. "'Someone needs to do a dumpling food truck w/ potstickers, momos and stuff. And call it The Dump Truck.'…
"Someone please call 9 Wine Wine" -- a wine joke on a "911" emergency call -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "DIAL 9-WINE-WINE: When in pain, call the…
The word "dismay" has nothing to do with the month of May, but there are jokes. "Dismay: To insult the 5th month" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on March 23, 2005.…