"My wife is always complaining that I never buy her flowers. In my defense, I didn't even know she sold flowers" was posted on Twitter by Andrew Mexo O'Connor (and others) on…
Many men have fantasies about sexy nurses, but a joke puts a twist on this. "My wife asked me what my biggest fantasy was. I told her for her to dress like a sexy nurse and tell me I have…
"My wife dresses to kill -- and she cooks the same way" is a joke that has been credited to New York comedian and "king of the one-liners" Henny Youngman (1906-1998), but the…
A Scrabble joke has become a dadjoke classic. Authorship is uncertain. "My wife found the letters I had been hiding & realized I'd been cheating. She swears she'll never play…
"He's/She's sangria" sounds like "he's/she's angrier." "My brother keeps getting mad that I tamper with his red wine. So I added some oranges and…
"Buy-sexual" (or "buysexual") is a shopping pun on the word "bisexual." "The most accurate way to describe her sexuality is to state that it is inextricably…
"My Wife got romantic the other night. It was the best Scrabble score she's ever had" was posted on Twitter by Mα† Thε Dαmηεd on April 13, 2018. "My wife got…
"Disorder" can sound a little like "dish order." "My mate has OCD. He's obsessed with organising dinner plates by weight & size. It's a very rare…
Many people put closed-circuit television around their homes. "My wifes threatened to leave me because I've installed cctv all over the house......I can see where she's coming from…
"May the Force be with you" is a famous line from the Star Wars films. "May divorce be with you" is a popular joke. "May Divorce Be with You" was an episode of the…
A Valentine's Day joke was posted on Twitter by Marc Gatland on February 14, 2012" Wife: "3 girls at work have received flowers today, they're absolutely gorgeous."Me:…
A colander is a kitchen utensil used to strain foods. "My wife told me I was using the colander incorrectly, so she gave me a restraining order..." was posted on Twitter by…
A popular joke about a refrigerator is: "My wife left a note on the fridge that said 'This isn't working I'm going to my mom's.' I opened up the fridge. The light was…
Self-deprecating comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) supposedly got this put-down from his wife: "My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday." The joke has been cited…
"I wanted to make some Moroccan rolls for a party, but I found all my spices were out of date. I made them anyway and people loved them. Just proves the saying 'People love that old thyme…
Climbing stairs can be a challenge as people get older. "'Old' is when your wife says 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you reply, 'Honey, I can't do…
A wife order so much stuff online from Amazon.com, a joke goes, that a husband could get a job as an Amazon driver and work from home. "I’m thinking of getting a job as an Amazon driver..…
"Dear John letter" sounds a little like "Dijon letter." "We can assume that when a mustard heiress throws over her boyfriend she sends him a Dijon letter" was printed…
Ballpoint pens are called "biros" in the United Kingdom. "My 1st girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pens . I was heartbroken as she left all I could say was . Bye…
"Menstrual cycle" shouldn't be confused with "minstrel cycle," but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 9, 2020: "My wife rotates playing her…