There are two jokes about "cleaning the attic with my/the wife." The first version was posted to the newsgroup alt.quotations on November 26, 1993 and has been credited to British…
The letter "e" has several riddles. This was printed in The Lady's Magazine in December 1787: "THE beginning of eternity,The end of time and space,The beginning of every end,And…
Many magicians have performed the "sawing a woman in half" trick. A joke was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on May 23, 2014: "I belong to a family of failed…
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage" was said by American humorist Erma Bombeck (1927-1996) about the cooking of her mother, Erma Haines Harris. "I come from a…
A dancer doing some genealogy might pun: "I come from a long line of conga dancers." The joke was cited on Sickipedia in 2010 and was first cited on Twitter on March 28, 2010. Wikipedia:…
"I come from a town where a traffic jam is 4 (or 3, or 5, or 6 -- ed.) cars behind a tractor" is a jocular saying about a small town that has been printed on many images. "I come…
"I come from a town where a traffic jam is 4 (or 3, or 5, or 6 -- ed.) cars behind a tractor" is a jocular saying about a small town that has been printed on many images. "I come…
"Mixed race parents” usually does not involve running, but there are jokes. "My mate's mam is a hurdler, but his dad is a sprinter. Will they be deported for being a mixed race…
The president of the United States traditionally pardons one turkey just before Thanksgiving. American television host and comedian Conan O'Brien posted this joke on Twitter on November 26,…
What is the dark web? It's a mysterious part of the web that is not indexed. However, to many, the dark web is Google search page two (where they never go). "I suspect 'the dark…
"I consider sex a misdemeanor. The more I miss, de meaner I get" (or "Sex is a misdemeanor. De more I miss de meaner I get") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
"I continued the cycle of my own oppression today" (made to look like the "I voted" sticker) is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying (shown on a sticker)…
"I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. This makes autocorrect mostly useless. "all the timeeee!…
"I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. This makes autocorrect mostly useless. "all the timeeee!…
"I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved" ( or "I could actually watch golf on TV if land mines were involved") is a saying that has been printed on several…
"I could be a morning person if my coffee maker brewed wine instead of coffee" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on March…
"I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I could be a morning person . . . If morning…
A bad cook burns the food, but an epically bad cook "can burn water." "Cpl. Agarn (on the television comedy F-Troop -- ed.), who can burn water, becomes the troop cook, with…
The saying "times were hard" usually has nothing to do with multiplication, but there are jokes. "I was never privileged at school, I had to use a second-hand calculator which had…
Heinz dominates the market for ketchup, and there are several puns about "Heinz sight" (hindsight). "If hindsight is 20/20, does that make Heinz-sight 57/57?" was cited in 1999.…