“A family checks into a hotel…” (joke)
There's a popular joke about the porn channels at some hotels: "A family checks into a hotel and the father tells the clerk, 'I hope the porn is disabled.' The clerk says,…
Alphebetical for "a"
“A fanatic is one who won’t change his mind and won’t change the subject”
"A fanatic is one who won't change his mind and won't change the subject" is a well-known saying that's often attributed to Winston Churchill (1874-1965), but Churchill…
“A farmer once tried to sell me his bull. I didn’t buy it. He was charging too much”
Three jokes involve a bull and the pun of "charging too much." "We had a bull come to our front door selling red capes, but he was charging way too much" was posted on Facebook…
“A fat person doesn’t eat what’s right, but eats what’s left”
"A fat person doesn't eat what's right, but eats what's left" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“A father carries pictures where his money used to be”
"A father carries pictures where his money used to be" is a jocular line of unknown authorship. "A father is someone who carries his children's pictures where his money used to…
“A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be”
"A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a…
“A female janitor asked if I’d do some weed with her. I can’t deal with high maintenance women”
The term "high maintenance" usually has nothing to do with janitors, but there are jokes. "The janitor lady for my apartment building asked me out on a date & said she had some…
“A ferry is the poor man’s cruise ship”
A ferry is cheaper than a cruise ship. "A ferry is the poor man's cruise ship" has been said often, usually to describe either the Staten Island Ferry or the Alaska Marine Highway…
“A few oil wells make ranching a fine business”
"A few oil wells make ranching a fine business" is a Texas saying that has been said to date to the 1950s, when oil was discovered on many Texas ranches. "The farmers and ranchers…
“A figure of speech literally walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A figure of speech version is: "A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends…
“A file folder walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One version is: "A file folder walks into a bar, orders a drink and says,…
“A filibuster is a long speech about nothing by an authority on the subject”
"A filibuster is a long speech about nothing by an authority on the subject" is a jocular definition of the filibuster. The definition was given in the "Comic Dictionary"…
“A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination”
"A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination" is credited to the playwright Arthur Wing Pinero (1855-1934). This is slightly incorrect. In Pinero's play, Iris (1901), one character…
“A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing okay”
A popular anti-tax saying (showing how taxes penalize success) is: "A fine is a tax you have to pay for doing wrong. A tax is a fine you have to pay for doing okay." The saying has been…
“A fingerprint sensor on your phone is a one-digit password”
Passwords are often four, six or eight digits long. A "digit" pun was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on October 29, 2017: "A fingerprint sensor on your phone is a one-digit…
“A fire hydrant has H2O on the inside and K9P on the outside”
"A fire hydrant has H2O (water) on the inside and K9P (canine pee) on the outside" is a joke that has been printed in several joke books. "If you find H20 inside a fire hydrant, what…
“A fireman runs into a school clutching a screwdriver and shouts, ‘This is not a drill!’”
A "drill" (an exercise, such as a fire drill) should not be confused with a "drill" (a tool primarily used for making round holes or driving fasteners), but there are jokes.…
“A fish in sea” (“efficiency” pun)
"A fish in sea" sounds like the word "efficiency." There have been several puns and riddles. "Efficiency (A Fish In Sea), a film about a man's preoccupation with…
“A fish walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A fish version is: "A fish walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'What do you…
“A fisherman is a jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other”
"A fisherman is a jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other" is an old joke that is frequently told about fishing. The joke has been cited in print since at least April…