“Get me a table near a waiter” (restaurant joke)
The comedian Henny Youngman (1906-1998) was a longtime member of New York Friars Club. When he walked in to the eating area, he'd always use his familiar line: "Get me a table near a…
“Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen”
"Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen" has often been incorrectly attributed to Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913), author of the satirical lexicon The Devil's…
“Born on third base and thinks he hit a triple” (a privileged person)
Texas politician Jim Hightower told the Democratic National Convention at Atlanta, Georgia, on July 19, 1988, about the Republican presidential candidate, George H. W. Bush: "He is a man who…
NIRP (Negative Interest Rate Policy)
"NIRP" (Negative Interest Rate Policy) has been cited in print since at least May 2008 and December 2008, but began appearing with frequency in the financial press in 2012. A central bank…
“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts”
"A drunk(en) man's words are a sober man's thoughts" is a proverb usually listed without a source. "What is on a sober man's mind is on a drunken man's…
Showrooming
"Showrooming" is when a potential customer examines a product in a brick and mortar retail store, but then purchases that product online -- where it may be cheaper (with a possible…
“Right side of history” (“Wrong side of history”)
The phrase "the right side of history" was said by American lawyer Clemens J. France in 1946 and "the wrong side of history" has been cited in print since at least 1951. In…
“Home, sweet home”
"Home, Sweet Home" is the title of a song by John Howard Payne (1791-1852) in his 1823 comic opera, Clari, or the Maid of Milan (first presented at the Dramatic Repository at 214 Broadway…
“They’re not saying ‘boo,’ they’re saying ‘Lou’ (Piniella)” (sports cheer)
Lou Piniella was a New York Yankee baseball player from 1974-1984 and Yankee manager from 1986-1987 and in 1988. When he'd come up to the plate, the baseball announcers would explain about…
“Never talk about religion or politics” (etiquette rule)
A rule of etiquette --in business, at the dinner table, at the barbershop and elsewhere -- is "never talk about religion or politics." These subjects are highly contentious and usually…
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance”
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance" is a popular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, buttons and bumper stickers. The exact wording of this…
“The Christian Right is neither”
"The Christian Right is neither" (sometimes put in quotes as "The 'Christian Right' is neither") is a slogan that has been printed on many gift items, such as…
“When you think it’s time to bury your guns, it’s really time to dig them up”
"When you think it's time to bury your guns, it's really time to dig them up" has become a popular saying in the United States among people who own guns. When a person feels the…
“Beer doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean—against bars”
“Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean....against bars, tables, chairs, and poles” is an old vaudeville joke, cited in print since at least 1895. The joke is of unknown…
Fuck, I Never Actually Learned Shit (“finals” backronym)
"Fuck, I Never Actually Learned Shit" is a backronym (back-acronym) for the word "finals" that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. There is a…
Come Late And Start Sleeping (“class” backronym)
"Come Late And Start Sleeping" is a backronym (back-acronym) of the word "class" that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. "C.L.A.S.S - Come…
Six Crazy Hours Of Our Lives or Six Crappy Hours Of Our Lives (“school” backronym)
S.C.H.O.O.L = Six Crazy Hours Of Our Lives and S.C.H.O.O.L.E.D = Six Crazy Hours OF Our Lives Each Day and S.C.H.O.O.L - Six.Crap.Hours.Of.Our.Lives and S.C.H.O.O.L = Six Crappy Hours Of Our Lives…
“Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak” (food pun)
"Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak" (a pun on "mistake") is a popular food joke that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. "As far as…
“The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions”
The exercise joke about "jumping to conclusions" has a long history. "Logical exercise for ladies -- jumping to conclusions" has been cited in print since at least 1867.…
“If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales”
"If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales (to me)" is a joke on many websites that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. "If swimming is so good…