“Out of my mind—back in five minutes” (office door sign)
"Out of my mind -- back in five minutes" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, bumper stickers and T-shirts. It's a humorous variation of the…
“A fool and his money are soon partying”
"A fool and his money are soon parted" is a popular English proverb that dates to the 1500s. An American version is "a fool and his money are soon partying," meaning that fools…
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket”
"The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket" is a popular saying and a response to shady financial operators who promise to "double your…
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) was assassinated in Ford's Theatre on April 14, 1865, while watching the play Our American Cousin. Fletcher Knebel (1911-1993), author of the satirical column about…
“Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator”
"Thou shalt not weight more than thy refrigerator" is a saying (often associated with other "kitchen sayings") that has been cited in print since at least 1998. The saying has…
“Whiskey was invented so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world”
The word "whiskey" comes from the Gaelic word for "water." Ireland often claims to have invented whiskey, although Scotland now manufactures more of it. "Whiskey was…
“I souport publik edukashun”
"Public education" is often jocularly misspelled "publik edukashun" to ridicule its quality. ""Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by the publik edukashun sistum" has…
“When you’re finally holding all the cards, everyone else decides to play chess”
The expressions "holding all the cards" is derived from playing cards and means to have an advantage. "Ever notice, when finally you've got to a position where you're…
“Inflation is when you find that your nest egg won’t even make an omelet”
A financial "nest egg" is money that is saved up -- usually for an event such as retirement. Inflation makes money worth less and can reduce money that is saved. "Inflation is when…
“Start a movement—eat a prune”
Prunes are known to be nature's laxatives. The bumper sticker "Start A Movement -- Eat A Prune" (a joke on "bowel movement") has been cited in print since at least 1973.…
“It’s smart to save money; some day it may be worth something”
People often save items (such as baseball cards) with the belief that some day they will be worth a larger sum of money. What about someone who saves money? "Save yer money. Some day it may be…
“There is always free cheese in a mousetrap”
"There's always free cheese in a mousetrap" means a combination of "there is no such thing as a free lunch," "you can't get something for nothing" and…
“An expert is a man who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy”
"An expert is a man who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy" is a jocular statement showing that experts can be technically correct in small matters and yet…
“Now I sit me down to sleep; the speaker’s dull, the subject deep”
"Now I lay me down to sleep" is a bedtime prayer that has been cited in print since at least 1711. Lectures can put people to sleep, prompting this prayer, first cited in print in 1939:…
“Never play pool with a guy named Fats”
Nelson Algren (1909-1981) wrote about this advice in A Walk on the Wild Side (1956): "Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lay down with a…
“Just for the halibut” (“just for the hell of it” euphemism)
"Just for the halibut" is a euphemism for "just for the hell of it." "Let's go fishin' -- just for the halibut (helofit)" was cited in print in May 1941. The…
“Love means nothing to a tennis player”
"Love means nothing to a tennis fan/player" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, buttons and posters. The joke is a pun on the word…
“Old teachers never die—they just lose their class”
"Old soldiers never die -- they just fade away” is an old saying that was popularized by General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964) in his farewell address to Congress on April 19, 1951. Many…
“Old deans never die—they just lose their faculties”
"Old soldiers never die -- they just fade away” is an old saying that was popularized by General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964) in his farewell address to Congress on April 19, 1951. Many…
“Speed is subsittute fo accurancy”
“Speed is subsittute fo accurancy" ("speed is a/no substitute for accuracy" intentionally misspelled) is a jocular misspelling showing that, indeed, speed is no substitute for…