“I ****ing love asterisks! Seriously. I swear by them”
Asterisks are often used in social media to cover up swear words. A joke was posted on X/Twitter by Moose Allain Ꙭ on August 26, 2013: "Asterisks are ****ing great. I swear by them."…
“Why did the libertarian cross the road?”/“None of your business. Am I being detained?”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A libertarian version is: Q: Why did the libertarian cross the road?…
“Why did the libertarian cross the road?”/“What road?”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A libertarian version is: Q: Why did the libertarian cross the road?…
“Why didn’t the libertarian cross the road?”/“He thought it was a private road.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A libertarian version is: Q: Why did the libertarian cross the road?…
“Why did the libertarian cross the road?”/“To privatize the other side.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A libertarian version is: Q: Why did the libertarian cross the road?…
“Why did the libertarian cross the road?”/“Doesn’t matter. Was a personal choice not subject to government approval or majority rule.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A libertarian version is: Q: Why did the libertarian cross the road?…
“January is the worst month. You’re fat and broke from the holidays, paler than ever, and you can’t feel your own face when you walk outside”
"January is the worst month. You're fat and broke from the holidays, paler than ever, and you can't feel your own face when you walk outside" (or "January is the worst…
“January is the worst month. You’re fat and broke from Christmas. It’s cold and dark 24/7, and you’re paler than ever. It’s just such a struggle”
"January is the worst month. You're fat and broke from the holidays, paler than ever, and you can't feel your own face when you walk outside" (or "January is the worst…
“Dogs aren’t allowed in bars because they can’t control their licker”
"Liquor" shouldn't be confused with "licker," but there are jokes. "Q. Why don't they allow dogs in bars? A. Because most of them can't hold their licker!…
“What’s the world’s fastest cake?”/“Scooone…”
"Scone" sounds like "'s gone" ("it's gone") in the UK. A popular joke is: Q: What's the world's fastest cake? A: Scone! The riddle has been cited…
“What’s the world’s fastest cake?”/“All cakes have a constant velocity of 0 mph.”
"Scone" sounds like "'s gone" ("it's gone") in the UK. A popular joke is: Q: What's the world's fastest cake? A: Scone! The riddle has been cited…
“Stop taking Twitter seriously. Just laugh and scroll, asshole. Just laugh and scroll”
"Some of y’all take social media too seriously. Just laugh and scroll, bitch. Laugh and scroll" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "It makes me so aggravated when…
“Brings a steak to a knife fight”
“Never bring a knife to a gunfight” is a popular saying. What should one bring to a knife fight? "Brings a steak to a knife fight" is a joke; a steak is eaten using a knife.…
“Lemon to a knife fight”
“Never bring a knife to a gunfight” is a popular saying. What should one bring to a knife fight? "Brings a steak to a knife fight" is a joke; a steak is eaten using a knife.…
“Some of y’all take social media too seriously. Just laugh and scroll, bitch. Laugh and scroll”
"Some of y’all take social media too seriously. Just laugh and scroll, bitch. Laugh and scroll" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "It makes me so aggravated when…
“Some of y’all take X too seriously. Just laugh and scroll”
"Some of y’all take social media too seriously. Just laugh and scroll, bitch. Laugh and scroll" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "It makes me so aggravated when…
“I love board games. My favorite one is where people put meat and cheese on a board. Maybe some fruit and crackers. I’m so good at that one”
A charcuterie board is not a board game, but there is a joke. This was posted on Instagram by justdoingmybest on December 18, 2024, and received over 120,000 likes: "I love board games. My…
“Caution: Dog can’t hold its licker” (sign)
"Beware: Dog can't hold its licker" (or "Caution: Dog can't hold its licker") is a jocular "liquor"/"licker" sign saying that has been printed on…
“Beware: Dog can’t hold its licker” (sign)
"Beware: Dog can't hold its licker" (or "Caution: Dog can't hold its licker") is a jocular "liquor"/"licker" sign saying that has been printed on…
“Calories make the world go round”
"Calories make the world go round" is a jocular version of the "makes the world go round" saying. ("Money" and "love" are popular versions.) Calories gives…