“A baby seal walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular seal joke is: "A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender says,…
“A pirate walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular pirate version is: "A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking…
“What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?”/“A tangent.”
The word "tangent" is connected with an obvious math pun: Q: What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?A: A tangent. The joke was cited on Twitter on April 8, 2009. Google…
“I asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me!”
A popular and obvious pun on "bank balance" was cited in print by at least 2006: "Went to the cash machine yesterday - an old and confused lady asked me to help check her balance -…
“On what kind of ships do students study?”/“Scholarships.”
There's a pun about student scholarships: Q: On what kind of ships do students study? A: Scholarships. The children's pun has been cited in print since at least 1976. Google BooksBiggest…
“A loaf of bread, a pound of meat, and all the mustard you can eat!” (hot dogs)
An old cry of the hot dog seller was: "A loaf of bread, a pound of meat, and all the mustard you can eat!" The seller would then cry out "Frankfurters!" or "Hot dogs!"…
“Where do math teachers go on vacation?”/“To Times Square.”
A New York City-related math joke is: Q: Where do math teachers go on vacation?A: To Times Square. The joke was cited on Twitter on July 1, 2011. Wikipedia: Times SquareTimes Square is a major…
“Where do math teachers go on vacation?”/“To Times Square.”
A New York City-related math joke is: Q: Where do math teachers go on vacation?A: To Times Square. The joke was cited on Twitter on July 1, 2011. Wikipedia: Times SquareTimes Square is a major…
Algebro (algebra + bro)
An "algebro" (algebra + bro) is a friend (usually male) who likes math (usually algebra). The term was popularized by the 2008 videogame Math Kickers: Featuring the Algebros. An Urban…
“What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords?”/“A music critic.”
A popular joke about music critics is: Q: What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords?A: A music critic. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1997. Google Groups:…
“It was so cold in New York that I saw a gangsta pull his pants up”
"It was so cold in New York that I saw a gangsta pull his pants up" is a jocular line that has been printed on many ecards. "It's so cold outside that teens at the mall are…
“Baseball is the first sport. The Bible says, ‘In the big inning…’”
What's the oldest sport? Baseball is the first sport because it's in the Bible, according to a very old joke that's been cited since at least 1881: "Base ball is old in the…
“I can’t die! I’m booked!”
New York-born actor and comedian George Burns (1896-1996) wanted to live to at least age 100 and he constantly worked, without formally retiring. He long-planned to celebrate his 100th birthday…
“America is a healthy body; its resistance is its patriotism, morality and spiritual life”
Russian leader Joseph Stalin (1878-1953) is frequently credited with saying: "America is like a healthy body, and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual…
“It was so hot in New York that I walked past Grant’s Tomb—and the door was open”
New York syndicated entertainment columnist Earl Wilson (1907-1987) repeated a classic New York gag every summer, crediting American actor and comedian Don Sherman (1932-2012): "The warm…
“It was so hot in New York that you could fry an egg on the sidewalk”
"It's so hot," runs the expression, "that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!" New York City has plenty of sidewalks. Is it ever possible to fry an egg on one? A…
“It was so cold in New York that they canceled the Central Park ice festival”
"It was so cold in New York that they canceled the Central Park ice festival" is not just a joke -- it really did happen in February 2016. On February 12, 2016, the Central Park…
“It was so cold in New York that they canceled the ice festival”
"It was so cold in New York that they canceled the ice festival" is not just a joke -- it really did happen in February 2016. On February 12, 2016, the Central Park Conservancy canceled…
“It was so cold in New York that I saw a dog stuck to a fire hydrant”
"It was so cold in New York that I saw a dog stuck to a fire hydrant" is a classic joke about the weather. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1986 and may have been…
“It was so cold in New York that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets”
"It's so cold I saw a lawyer/politician with his hands in his own pockets!" is a joke that's frequently credited to comedians Johnny Carson (1925-2005) and Fred Allen…