“I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen”
"I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen" is a jocular line that has been printed on GIFs. The saying has been cited in print since at least August 2007, the first of several…
Park and Bark (singing with limited theatrical movement)
"Park and bark" refers to when a singer -- especially in an opera -- parks in a certain place and barks out the music. Modern performances try to eliminate "park-and-bark" by…
Fort Surrender (66th Police Precinct, Borough Park nickname)
The 66th Police Precinct, located in the Borough Park section of Brooklyn, has been nicknamed "Fort Surrender" since 1978 because the police are said to have a close relationship (and…
“Why do people like soda?”/“Because it’s sodalicious.” (soda + delicious)
"Sodalicious" (soda + delicious, like "so delicious") has been used in many soda advertisements and has also been trademarked several times. The first citation was in 1877:…
“Can a news story electrocute somebody? The answer may shock you”
News teasers often present a little bit of the story with a question, and then state, "The answer may shock you." Amir Blumenfeld made a joke of this when he tweeted on September 1, 2015:…
“How do you catch a school of fish?”/“With a bookworm.”
A popular riddle about a "school of fish" is: Q: How do you catch a school of fish?A: With a bookworm. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1990. 17 July 1990, State Times…
“What travels around the world but stays in one corner?” (riddle)
A popular children's riddle is: Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?A: A postage stamp. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1959. Google News Archive June…
“What has 18 legs and catches flies?”/“A baseball team.”
One of the oldest sports riddles is: Q: What has eighteen legs and catches flies?A: A baseball team. The nine defensive players on the baseball field (18 legs) can catch flies (fly balls). The…
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse”
"Never ruin an apology with an excuse" is a popular saying of uncertain authorship. "Quote for the time being: Never ruin an apology with an excuse" was cited in September 1996…
“I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste time at work”
Many people use Facebook at work to waste time. American comedian Jay Leno asked on television's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on February 2, 2012: "What do Facebook employees do to…
“It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. What matters is if I win or lose”
“It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose," a modern sports adage says. The saying was credited to "Darrin Weinberg" in 1985 and to "Darin…
“Why do riot police get to work early?”/“To beat the crowd.”
A pun is told about riot police: Q: Why do riot police get to work early?A: To beat the crowd. A form of the joke existed in California after the police beating of Rodney King (1965-2012) on March…
“The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large”
A classic pun line about a prison escape reads as follows: "The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large." The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“Why are pianos so hard to open?”/“The keys are inside.”
A popular piano joke is: Q: Why are pianos so hard to open?A: The keys are inside. "She really could not play when requested. The piano was locked up and the keys were inside" was cited…
“Why did the newspaper blush?”/“It saw the comic strip.”
A pun about the "comic strip" is: Q: Why did the newspaper blush?A: It saw the comic strip. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2004. Google Groups: alt.humor.punsKids Puns of…
Delaware: “What did Delaware?”/“Her New Jersey.”
"What did Delaware?" ("What did Della wear?") is an old pun on the state name. "her New Jersey!" is the usual answer. "What did Delaware?" was asked in the…
New Jersey: “What did Delaware?”/“Her New Jersey.”
"What did Delaware?" ("What did Della wear?") is an old pun on the state name. "her New Jersey!" is the usual answer. "What did Delaware?" was asked in the…
“How do you turn soup into gold?”/“Add 24 carrots.”
"Carrot" (a vegetable) sounds like "karat" (a unit of gold), and there's a pun: Q: How do you turn soup into gold?A: Add 24 carrots. The joke has been cited in print since…
“Did you hear about the man who invented Life Savers? He made a mint”
A person who "makes a mint" makes a lot of money -- as if owning the mint. A classic joke about Life Savers candies is: "Did you hear about the man who invented Life Savers? He made…
“What is the definition of a financial genius?” (joke)
The "definition if a financial genius" was a popular joke in the 20th century. "Our idea of a financial genius is a man who can spend his money faster than he acquires it" was…