“Fat people who get offended by fat jokes should lighten up”
A fat joke about fat jokes is: Fat people who get offended by fat jokes should really lighten up." "You fat people who get offended when people make fat jokes around you I have two words…
“What did one oar say to the other?”/“Are you up for a little row-mance?”
A popular Valentine's Day riddle is: Q: What did one oar say to the other?A: Are you up for a little row-mance? The joke was posted to the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on February 14, 2004 and has…
“40 is the new 30, but try telling that to a speed camera”
"40 is the new 30, but try telling that to a speed camera" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on GIFs. The joke has been cited in cited in print since at least 2007. The…
“If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily”
How often should you apply for the same job? "If you want to work for a company that makes moisturizer, the best thing to do is to apply daily" was posted on Twitter on November 5, 2012.…
“Why are waiters good at math?”/“They know all their tables.”
A riddle about knowing multiplication tables is: Q: Why are waiters good at math?A: They know all their tables. The joke was included in a 1983 book on riddles and puns. Google BooksRemember the a…
“I look fat. Please say something nice.”/“You have perfect eyesight.”
A fat joke is: WIFE (looking in the mirror): I look fat. Please give me a compliment.HUSBAND: You have perfect eyesight. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2003 and has been printed on…
“Why doesn’t the sun go to college?”/“Because it has a million degrees.”
A pun about "degrees" is: Q: Why doesn't the sun go to college?A: Because it has a million degrees. The riddle was posted on Twitter on August 29, 2009. “My college graduation was…
“Customer Service: How does your name appear on your credit card?” (joke)
"How does you name appear on your credit card?" is a typical credit card question, asking about a name's spelling and any middle name or initial. However. several jokes take this…
“Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”/“Yes. February 14th.”
A popular Valentine's Day joke is: MAN: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?WOMAN: Yes. February 14th. The joke was posted on Twitter on September 4, 2012 and has been printed on…
“Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal”
"Out of the mouths of babes" is a biblical saying, usually meaning that the young are honest and tell the truth. A jocular and literal meaning is: "Out of the mouths of babes, often,…
“I took her to a barn dance, but all I got was the same old stall”
A "barn dance" is a traditional dance, usually with traditional or folk music, sometimes (and probably originally) held in a barn. A popular barn dance joke is: "I took her to a barn…
“Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order”
A popular "yo mama" insult joke is: "Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order." Of course, they are all the letter "M." The joke has…
“Golf Rules for Beginners” (joke)
A jocular list of "Golf Rules" has been cited in print since at least 2002. Rules include "Form a loose grip" and "Stay out of the water." At the end of the ten rules…
“Roses are red, violets are blue-ish. If it weren’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish”
A Christmas version of the "Roses are red" poem is: "Roses are red, violets are blue-ish. If it weren't for Christmas we'd all be Jewish." The poem has been cited in…
“When has a man a right to scold his wife about his coffee?”/“When he has sufficient grounds.”
A coffee riddle has been cited in print since at least 1851: Q: When has a man a right to scold his wife about his coffee?A: When he has sufficient grounds. This was made into a lawyer joke by at…
“Yttrium barium copper oxide walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A superconductor version is: "Yttrium barium copper oxide (YBCO) walks into a bar. The…
“Accordion to research, most people will not notice musical instruments appearing within sentences”
"Accordion" sounds somewhat like "according." "Accordion to research, in everyday conversation a musical instrument replacing a word often goes unnoticed" was posted…
“When does a lawyer make coffee?”/“When he has sufficient grounds.”
A coffee riddle has been cited in print since at least 1851: Q: When has a man a right to scold his wife about his coffee?A: When he has sufficient grounds. This was made into a lawyer joke by at…
“What are the strongest days of the week?”/“Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.”
A riddle about the days of the week has been cited in print since at least 1855: Q: What is the strongest day of the week?A: Sunday. All of the rest are "weak" days. Saturday later joined…
“What if it doesn’t want to be called hot sauce? What if it wants to be called beautiful sauce?”
Is the term "hot" sexist? "What if it doesn't want to be called hot sauce? What if it wants to be called beautiful sauce?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…