“If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator”
Does the "you are what you eat" proverb apply to pets? "If you are what you eat. Then my dog is a racoon" was posted on Twitter on July 29, 2011. "If you are what you…
“True friendship is when you walk into their house and your WiFi connects automatically”
"True friendship is when you walk into their house and your WiFi connects automatically" is a one-line saying a bout WiFi that has been printed on many images. "You know they're…
“Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?”
"Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?" is a popular question that has been printed on an image. The question was posted on the newsgroup alt.fan.cecil-adams…
“I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them”
"I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them" is a one-line saying about broken cookies that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 19,…
“Damn girl, are you my report card? Because my parents would be disgusted if they saw you”
"Damn girl, are you my report card?" is a line with several punchlines. "Aye girl are you my report card? Because baby you got double Ds" was posted on Twitter on April 15,…
“They say you are what you eat. I don’t remember eating a big disappointment”
"They say you are what you eat. I don't remember eating a big disappointment" is a self-deprecating joke. "'You are what you eat' I don't remember eating a big…
“Why do Java programmers wear glasses?”/“Because they can’t C#.”
A programming riddle is: Q: Why do Java programmers wear glasses?A: Because they can't C# (see sharp). The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001 and has been printed on many images.…
“Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry—I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge”
"Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry -- I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge" is a jocular one-line saying from a refrigerator. The saying was posted on Twitter on June 8,…
“I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once”
"I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted…
“A wise Chinese man once said, “If a dog barks, it’s undercooked’”
What does a dog's barking mean? "A wise Chinese man once said, "If a dog barks, it's undercooked'" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. The saying…
“Homework: If it goes too easy, you’re doing it wrong”
"Homework: If it goes too easy, you're doing it wrong" is a one-line homework saying that has been printed on several images. "Quick tip: if you think your calc homework is too…
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a car than on a bicycle”
"Money can't buy happiness" is a proverb that has been cited in English since at least 1821. There have been many jocular additions to the proverb. "Money can't buy…
“I hope the guy who invented Autocorrect burns in hello!”
Autocorrect often makes mistakes. "Burn in hello auto correct!" was posted on Twitter on September 19, 2010. "I hope the inventor of auto-correct barns in hello" was posted on…
“I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe”
"I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe" -- that is, confused or disoriented -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited…
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly”
The game of Monopoly has been published by Parker Brothers -- and only Parker Brothers -- since 1935. A popular joke is: "I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game…
“If at first you don’t succeed, we have a lot in common”
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…
“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts”
"The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts" is a jocular reminder of a grim government fiscal situation that has been printed on many images. "The…
“Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos”
The internet is not all cat videos, although it may sometimes seem like it is. "Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos" is a jocular…
“Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday”
Many people can't wait for Friday. “Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday” is a popular saying, "Nothing fucks up your Friday like realizing that its only…
“Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were”
"Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were" is a jocular saying about hospitality that has been printed on many images. The saying was…