“A really bad impressionist walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An impressionist version is: "A really bad impressionist walks into a bar. The…
“I have a horse named Mayo. Mayo neighs”
"Mayonnaise" sounds like "mayo neighs." A group of singers were called the "Mayo-Neighs" according to a 1968 newspaper. A horse was named "May O'Neighs"…
“The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes”
"The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means that one must have more expensive toys the richer…
“Why is it so easy to get into pirate college?”/“Because you only need the high C’s.”
A pirate riddle was posted on Twitter on March 13, 2012: Q: What grades do you need to get into pirate college? A: Seven C's. A slightly different pirate college riddle was posted on Reddit --…
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up”
"It doesn't matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on images. "No matter how low the…
“How do midget waiters get paid?”/“Under the table.”
"Under the table" means secretly or covertly. A riddle was posted on Twitter on June 3, 2010: Q: How do midget waiters get paid?A: Under the table. TwitterBarry Taylor @btjokesFollow…
“You can trust your dog to guard your house, but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich”
Trust has its limits. "You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich" was posted on Twitter on November 20, 2012. "You can trust a dog to…
“The man who drank a bottle of varnish had a horrible end, but a lovely finish”
A joke about someone drinking varnish was published in the Brooklyn (NY) Daily Eagle on April 7, 1938: "Poor Joe! He died from drinking varnish.""At least he had a fine finish."…
“Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door”
"Can't Slam a Revolving Door" was a headline in The Architect and Engineer for October 1921. "The Hardest Job in the World -- Slamming a revolving door" was published in a…
“When a clock battery dies, the clock records the time of its death”
A clock's dead battery records the time of its death. "It's always creepy when a clock battery dies. It's time of death is displayed in your room until you replace it" was…
“Let a homeless person use a computer and he’ll search through the recycle bin”
A computer's "recycle bin" doesn't contain cans and bottles like other recycle bins, but there are jokes. "If homeless will sit on computer,he'll go on recycle…
“Hurry up and pass out the test before I forget everything!”
Many students study for a test, but then quickly forget everything. “Let's do the test before I forget everything" was published in a 1997 book. "Let's do this test before I…
“You can trust a dog to guard your house, but never trust a dog to guard your sandwich”
Trust has its limits. "You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich" was posted on Twitter on November 20, 2012. "You can trust a dog to…
“‘The later I get here, the quicker this ends’ isn’t the right answer for ‘why are you late?’”
Some employees believe that the later they arrive to work, the sooner it's over. "My boss asked my why I was always late for work. I'm like, 'Cause it make the day go faster.…
“When police arrest a mentally unstable person, technically that qualifies as busting a nut”
"Busting a nut" means working very hard. "Bust" also means a police arrest, and "nut" also means a crazy person. "When cops catch a crazy person, that's…
Gumbo City (New Orleans nickname)
Gumbo was designated in 2004 as the official state cuisine of Louisiana. The city of New Orleans has sometimes been called the "Gumbo City," often used as a metaphor similar to…
“A good insurance company knows how to handle acclaim”
"Acclaim" sounds like "a claim." An insurance pun was posted on the website Pun of the Day in March 2000: "A good insurance company knows how to handle acclaim." Pun…
“The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory”
"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Miss Stella Delaney was lost in…
“If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way”
"If your wife want to learn to drive, don't stand in her way" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Warning: If your wife wants to learn to drive,…
“Money doesn’t make happiness. It buys it already made”
"Money can't buy happiness" is a proverb that has been cited in English since at least 1821. There have been many additions to the proverb. "Money doesn´t make happiness. It…