“Grocery store workers ask ‘paper or plastic’ because baggers can’t be choosers”
"Beggar's can't be choosers" is an old proverb. A supermarket joke was printed in the Washington (DC) Post on February 29, 1996: "Checkers at grocery stores always ask…
“I once played horse chestnut fighting with a giantess. She had to stoop to conker”
She Stoops to Conquer (1773) is a comedy by the Anglo-Irish author Oliver Goldsmith. A "conker" is a horse-chestnut. "I'm too old to go chucking sticks at the branches of a…
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it”
"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "YOU MAY have to fight a battle more than once to win it. -- Mrs.…
“What do you say to a Texas man driving a German car?”/“Audi.”
Audi is a German automobile manufacturer. The German name sounds somewhat like "howdy." "No joke but I just saw a Texan walk into a German car showroom and shout…
“Doc, I have lettuce sticking out of my bum.”/“Sorry, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
Iceberg lettuce has had several "iceberg" jokes. One joke has a patient seeing a doctor: PATIENT: Doctor, I have lettuce sticking out of my bum. Is my condition serious?DOCTOR: I'm…
“Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles”
"'Every triangle is a love triangle if you love triangles' - Pythagoras. @JamesAcaster brilliant this evening" was posted on Twitter on February 12, 2014. Pythagoras was an…
“Never lie to someone who trusts you, and never trust someone who lies to you”
"Never lie to someone who trusts you, and never trust someone who lies to you" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Never trust someone who lies to you. Never lie to…
“I run on coffee, sarcasm and lipstick”
"I run on coffee, sarcasm and lipstick" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “@Sassy_Drunk: I run on Starbucks, sarcasm and red lipstick" -- Starbucks is a popular…
“Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street & then getting hit by an airplane”
"Adulthood/College is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane" -- that is, doing everything right and then getting blindsided by something…
“How do you think the unthinkable?”/“With an itheberg.”
A lisp riddle has been printed on many images (often with a photo of boxer Mike Tyson) : Q: How do you think the unthinkable?A: With an itheberg. The "How do you sink the unsinkable? With an…
“Dream big, work hard and make it happen”
"Dream big, work hard and make it happen" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. “Dream big and work hard" was published in a 2000 book. "He struck me…
“When it’s over, leave. Don’t continue watering a dead flower”
"When it's over, leave. Don't continue watering a dead flower" (or "When a relationship is over, leave. Don't continue watering a dead flower") is a saying that…
“Orange juice got the nickname ‘OJ,’ but apple juice didn’t get the nickname ‘AJ’”
"Why do people call Orange Juice 'OJ', but never call Apple Juice 'AJ'?" was posted on Twitter on February 7, 2008. One reason is that "orange juice" has two…
“I run on Starbucks, sarcasm and red lipstick”
"I run on coffee, sarcasm and lipstick" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “@Sassy_Drunk: I run on Starbucks, sarcasm and red lipstick" -- Starbucks is a popular…
“3 things to keep private: your love life, your income and your next move”
"3 things to keep private: your love life, your income and your next move" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Keep your next move, income, and your love life…
“College is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane”
"Adulthood/College is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane" -- that is, doing everything right and then getting blindsided by something…
“I run on caffeine, grease, loud music and cuss words”
"I run on coffee, chaos and cuss words" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. There have been many "I run on..." variations. "I run on #coffee and cuss…
“What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?”/“Where you put the cucumber.”
A not-safe-for-work riddle has been printed on many images: Q: What's the difference between being hungry and horny?A: Where you put the cucumber. The joke was posted on Twitter on January 5,…
“I am scared of non-alcoholic lager. It must be a faux beer”
"Faux beer" sounds like "phobia." "I think i have a faux beer phobia" was posted on Twitter on May 7, 2009. "My dad is scared of fake alcohol. He has a faux…
“There are some things you can only learn in a storm”
"There are some things you can only learn in a storm" -- that is, learn through difficulties -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Some stuff you can't learn on…