“I swim to look good naked”
"I swim to look good naked" is a saying about swimming that has been printed on many images. "I don’t swim to be healthy, I swim to look good as fuck naked.." was posted on…
“Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnny’s test again?” (joke)
A popular school joke has a teacher discovering that one student had copied from another. All of the answers were identical except one, where one student wrote "I don't know" and the…
“No one ever wins when you order Thai food”
"Thai food" is not "tie food," but there are several puns. "When you have Thai food, no one wins or loses when you eat" was posted on Twitter by TV’s D. Morris on…
“Sellers of dried grapes are always raisin awareness”
"Raisin" sounds like "raising." "Sellers of dried grapes are always raisin awareness" is a joke that was posted on the website Pun of the Day in February 2000.…
Niagara Falls: “What’s the difference between your first and second honeymoon?” (riddle)
Niagara Falls is a famous honeymoon destination. Viagra is a product to treat erectile dysfunction. A joke is: Q: What's the difference between your first and second honeymoon? A: Niagara and…
“Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterRobert Mandelberg@StreambankMedia#Instagram is just #Twitter for people who go outside. ~ Josh Gondelman11:30 AM - 20 Jul 2018
“Currently stuck at an auction bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. In it for the long hall”
"@simontkey I’ve joined the army so I can afford the 100 metre corridor I want in my house. I’m in it for the long hall" was posted on Twitter on August 20, 2010. "In it for the…
“Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread?”/“It was a crusty steed.”
A trusty steed shouldn't be confused with a "crusty" steed. A riddle is: Q: Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread? A: It was a crusty steed! A form of the joke…
“What kind of money do fishermen make?”/“Net profits.”
A riddle about "net profits" is: Q: What kind of money do fishermen make?A: Net profits. The "net profits" pun has been popular since at least 1988 and 1989. Wikipedia: Net…
“Prayer is the world’s greatest wireless connection”
"Prayer is the world's greatest wireless connection" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Just saw a church sign that said 'prayer is the greatest wireless…
“Sometimes I feel like giving up. Then I remember I have a lot of MFers to prove wrong”
"Don't give up. You've still got a couple of motherfuckers to prove wrong"/"Sometimes I feel like giving up. Then I remember I have a lot of motherfuckers to prove…
Socialistacrat (socialist + Sandinista + bureaucrat)
"Socialistacrat" (socialist + Sandinista + bureaucrat) is a term that some on the political far right use to describe some on the political far left. "Our current socialistacrat…
“What do you call a cow with no legs?”/“Crippled.”
“What do you call a cow with no legs?"/"Ground beef" is a popular cow riddle. There is an anti-joke riddle. "What do you call a cow with no legs? Severely crippled" was…
“Waiter, there’s a dead spider in my soup.”/“Yes, ma’am, they can’t stand the boiling water.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterJohn Barnes@jbitwc2009"Waiter, waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma'am, they can't stand the boiling water."2:51 PM - 7 Dec…
“Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass?”/“It scares away the flies.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterBollywood Sargam@bollywoodsargamWaiter jokes - 9499 Joke: Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies...…
“Waiter, there’s a spider in my soup. Send for the manager.”/“He’s frightened of them, too.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterWillie J. Green@WillieJG"Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It's no good, sir, he's frightened of them,…
“I’ve started telling about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s about raisin awareness”
"Raisin" sounds like "raising." "Sellers of dried grapes are always raisin awareness" is a joke that was posted on the website Pun of the Day in February 2000.…
“Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.”/“Then we’ve served you too much soup.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterBollywood Sargam@bollywoodsargamWaiter jokes - 9446 Joke: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup! Then we've served you too much soup, the ..…
“Why doesn’t this restaurant have any specials?”/“Because nothing about this food is special.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterEve Taylor@Taylor_EveCustomer: Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials?Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.9:07 PM - 6 Dec 2009 TwitterPHP…
“Where do squirrels go in a hurricane?”/“All over the place.”
A hurricane riddle is: Q: Where do squirrels go in a hurricane?A: All over the place! The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on July 19, 2018. TwitterKatie Phang@KatiePhang13 Sep 2017Question:…