“Every room is an escape room if you’re drunk enough”
People escape from "escape rooms" in the escape game. However, some people have trouble escaping rooms without playing the game. "For sufferers of anxiety, every room is an escape…
“I tried to walk into a Target, but I missed”
A joke about Target stores was told by American stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) and has been printed on many images: "I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the…
“Why did the medium cross the road?”/“To speak to the other side.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A medium version is: Q: Why did the medium cross the road?A: To speak…
“There are friends, there is family, and then there are friends that become family”
"There are friends, there is family, and then there are friends that become family" is a friendship saying that has been printed on many images. “@TheQuotesJungle: There are friends,…
“How do you kill a coffee bean?”/“By decaf-itation.”
"Decapitation" (cutting off someone's head) is sometimes written as the coffee joke portmanteau word "decafitation" (decaf coffee, to many a "decapitation" of…
“True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart”
"Together forever, never apart, maybe in distance (but) never in heart" (also "Always together, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart" and "True friends are…
“Always together, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart”
"Together forever, never apart, maybe in distance (but) never in heart" (also "Always together, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart" and "True friends are…
Decafitation (decaf + decapitation)
"Decapitation" (cutting off someone's head) is sometimes written as the coffee joke portmanteau word "decafitation" (decaf coffee, to many a "decapitation" of…
“A real friend never gets in your way—unless you happen to be on the way down”
"A real friend never gets in your way -- unless you happen to be on the way down" (or "A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down") is a friendship…
“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down”
"A real friend never gets in your way -- unless you happen to be on the way down" (or "A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down") is a friendship…
“A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden”
"A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many javascript:void(0);images. The saying…
“Remember when teachers used to say, ‘You won’t have a calculator everywhere you go’?”
"Remember when teachers used to say, 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'? Well, we showed them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many…
“What snacks do cannibals love?”/“Fritos.”
"Fritos" (a brand of corn chips) shouldn't be confused with "free toes," but there are jokes. "Cannibals never turn down Fritos" was posted on Twitter by Junction…
“I whispered because I didn’t want Zuckerberg to hear us. She laughed. I laughed. Siri laughed”
A joke about surveillance mentions Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Amazon Alexa and/or Apple's Siri. "My son asked me why I speak so softly in the house. I said I was afraid the NSA was…
“TurboTax is the worst computer game ever”
"With poor graphics and no plot, TurboTax is the worst video game I have ever played" is a jocular saying that has been printed on an ecard. TurboTax is an American tax preparation…
“Has there ever been a meat product that claimed it tastes like vegetables?”
Many food products made of vegetables claim that they taste like meat. However, is there a meat product that claims it tastes like vegetables? "They should have meat that tastes like…
“We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer”
Some people keep a potato masher in a drawer, but this often makes the drawer get stuck. A joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on August 15, 2017: "We keep a potato masher in a drawer…
“I still have a landline, or as I like to call it, ‘a cell phone finder’”
Many people still have landlines just to call their cell phones when they lose them in the house. "I still have a landline, or as I like to call it, 'a cell phone finder'" is a…
“If you call me from a private number, I will respect your privacy and not answer”
People like to know who's calling them before answering a phone. "If you call me from a private number, I will respect your privacy and not answer" is a saying that has been printed…
“Yesterday’s meatloaf is tomorrow’s sloppy joe”
What goes into that sloppy joe sandwich? "Yesterday's meatloaf is tomorrow's sloppy joe" was posted on Twitter by Autumn Woods on May 31, 2009. "Todays meatloaf,…