"A man went into a library and asked, 'Do you…

A popular library joke has a man ask a librarian a simple—but misunderstood—question. “I was doing some DIY at home, so I went to the library and said, `Have you got any books on… shelves?’” is a joke from British stand-up comedian Ivor Dembina that was printed in The Independent (London, UK) on October 4, 2000.

“He says to her, ‘excuse me love, have you got any books on shelves?’ The librarian looks at him and says ........................................ ‘Yes, thousands of them!’” was posted on the newsgroup alt.sports.soccer.everton on April 7, 2003.

‘Shelving” in often used instead of “shelves.” “A man walks into a library and asks, ‘Do you have any books on shelving?’” was posted on Twitter by Joe Earley on April 4, 2010.

Wikipedia: Ivor Dembina
Ivor Joseph Dembina (born 14 April 1951) is a British stand-up comedian and writer in the alternative tradition from London.

4 October 2000, The Independent (London, UK), “Arts: Famous for 20 minutes It’s rare for a stand-up comic to perform a set that’s any longer than that. Why? It doesn’t have to be that way, as the Red Rose Comedy Club’s Ivor Dembina tells Andrew Martin,” pg. 10:
In mitigation of much of what follows, it’s worth mentioning that Ivor Dembina is one of the funniest - if most downbeat - comedians around. I’ve seen him several times, including once on the stage of a small club off Pigalle, in Paris, where he entranced an initially distracted Anglo- French audience with slow burners such as: “I was doing some DIY at home, so I went to the library and said, `Have you got any books on… shelves?’ “

Google Groups: alt.sports.soccer.everton
Promise. The funniest joke ever. Honest!
Quaggers!
4/7/03
This guy was taking a week off work and was slouching around the house, generally getting under his wife’s feet.

Anyhow, his wife’s been nagging at him for ages to put some shelves up in the lounge…..and she say’s to him, “listen, do something really useful will you, and get those shelves put up!”

Now not knowing anything about DIY, and being absolutely useless at it, he decides it best to go to the library and see if he can get a book to help him out. So off he goes.

He gets to the library and walks up to the librarian behind the counter.

He says to her, “excuse me love, have you got any books on shelves?”

The librarian looks at him and says….....................................
(...)
.........“Yes, thousands of them!”

Google Groups: uk.sport.horseracing
tipsters
G-Man
2/17/05
(...)
Which reminds me of the young man doing his first bit of DIY. He wanted to put up a couple of shelves but didn’t really know how. So he naturally went to his local library and asked the librarian “Do you have any books on shelves?”

She replied “As you can see we have thousands, which one would you like?”

11 July 2007, Daily Record (Glasgow, UK), “Oh brother, what a chat=up line from Jamie” by Tam Cowan, pg. 13:
Meanwhile, what about the DIY enthusiast who walked into the Airdrie Library and said: “Do you have any books on shelves?”

The girl behind the counter said: “They’re all on shelves….”

Google Books
Dim Wit:
The Funniest, Stupidest Things Ever Said
By Rosemarie Jarski
London, UK: Random House
2008
Pg. 165:
1 was doing some DIY at home, so I went to the library and said, Have you got any books on shelves?
Ivor Dembina

Google Books
The Wit and Wisdom of the North
By Rosemarie Jarski
London, UK: Ebury Press
Pg. ?:
I actually went into the library and said to the girl, ‘‘Scuse me, love, ‘ave you any books on shelves?’
Dave Spikey

Twitter
Aaron 🇪🇺
@LashofSnow
RT @rubberducknessi: A man enters a library and asks “Do you have any books on shelves?” The librarian replies “Yeah, fucking millions.”
12:49 PM · Sep 29, 2009·Twitter Web Client

Twitter
Joe Earley
@joeearley
A man walks into a library and asks, ‘‘Do you have any books on shelving?’‘
5:21 AM · Apr 4, 2010·Twitter Web Client

8 December 2011, The Sun (London, UK), pg. 11:
Cue worst library joke ever written: Went into my local branch for help with DIY and asked the woman if she had any books on shelves.

“Don’t be daft,” she said. “They’re ALL on shelves ... “

Credit: BILL Leckie

Twitter
Spock Thornaby🖖
@Spock_Thornaby
Feeling like doing some DIY I went to the library
“Do you have any books on shelving?” I asked
“They’re all on shelving, mate” I was told.
12:21 PM · Jan 12, 2015·Twitter Web Client

Twitter
Staffs Libraries
@StaffsLibraries
“Do you have any books on shelving?”
“Most of them.”
5:35 AM · Apr 20, 2016·Hootsuite

Google Books
3000 Jokes, 2997 Laughs
By Mike Haskins
London, UK: Portico
2017
Pg. ?:
I was interested in doing some DIY, so I went to the library and asked if they had any books on shelves.

Twitter
🤣 The Dad Joke Man 😉
@DadJokeMan
A man went into a library and asked “Do you have any books on shelving?”
The librarian said “yes all of them”. #badjokethursday
1:58 AM · Sep 13, 2018·Twitter for iPhone

Twitter
QT@Anon 🌟🌟🌟
@QTAnon1
A man went into a library and asked, ‘Do you have any books on shelving?’ The librarian said, ‘Yes, all of them…..’
11:20 PM · Oct 22, 2019·Hootsuite Inc.

Twitter
🤣 The Dad Joke Man 😉
@DadJokeMan
A man went into a library and asked “Do you have any books on shelving?”
The librarian said, “yes, all of them”.
#LibraryShelfieDay
4:07 PM · Jan 22, 2020·Twitter for iPhone

“A man went into a library and asked, ‘Do you have any books on shelves?’” (joke)