“What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?”/“The poolice.”
"Poolice" (poll + police) is a portmanteau word that has been infrequently used. "Poolice search doctor’s office for records. Poolice, are those swimming pool cops?" was…
“If you’re ugly but have pretty eyes, this is your chance!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“It’s my God-given right to be an atheist”
Do atheists have God-given rights? "Yes, you have a God-given right to be an atheist in America" was printed in the Twin Falls (ID) Times-News on July 7, 1963. "It's my…
“Celery is just crunchy grass-flavored water”
Celery has often been described as a combination of grass and water. "Celery is just crunchy water” is a celery saying. "'See, the thing with celery is...it's grass-flavored,…
“If anyone ever tries to sell you a transparent car wheel, steer clear”
"Steer clear" is an expression that usually does not involve the literal steering of an automobile, but there are jokes. "My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a…
“What do you call a judge with no thumbs?”/“Justice Fingers.”
"Justice" can sound like "just his." A riddle was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on April 30, 1996: Q: What do you call a judge with no fingers?A: Justice Thumbs. A similar…
“Hey girl, are you a piñata? Because I’d hit that” (pickup line)
"Hey girl... Are you a piñata? Because I'd hit that" is a jocular pickup line that was posted on Twitter by country billy on May 5, 2011. "Damn girl, are you a piñata? ... Cuz…
“What do you call a judge with no fingers?”/“Justice Thumbs.”
"Justice" can sound like "just his." A riddle was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on April 30, 1996: Q: What do you call a judge with no fingers?A: Justice Thumbs. A similar…
“Put a potato in your swim trunks to attract more women” (joke)
A joke has it that a luckless young man asks a lifeguard for some help with women. The lifeguard suggests that he put a potato in his swim trunks. However, the young man returns later and tells the…
“The roadside farm sign said: ‘DUCK, EGGS’” (joke)
A "duck, eggs" joke was posted on Twitter by Fred Delicious on November 2, 2016: [sees a sign outside a farm that says "duck, eggs"]"huh. Why'd they put a comma after…
“The Lego store has finally reopened. People are lined up for blocks”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic closed many stores. Lego stores were among the stores that were closed, and a joke went viral at the end of May 2020. "The Lego Store Has Reopened... People…
“Fortune tellers are either depressed or hysterically manic. Why can’t I find a happy medium?
"A happy medium" is a saying that doesn't mean a fortune teller, but there are jokes. "All fortune tellers seem to be either depressed or hysterically manic. Why can't I…
“What do you call 12 enchiladas?”/“A footilada.”
There is no "inch" in "enchilada," but there are jokes. "Gringo conversions: 12 enchiladas = 1 footilada" was posted on Twitter by missingblakes on August 8, 2010.…
“I wanted to try water skiing but I couldn’t find a sloping lake”
Water skiing doesn't require a slope (like a ski slope), but there are jokes. "Joe Kowalski hasn't used his new water-skis yet; he can't find a sloping lake: was printed in The…
“Space cowboys imply the existence of space cows”
A "space cowboy" is someone who smokes marijuana (and gets "spaced out"). "Don't Space Cowboys have -er- Space Cows?" is a joke that was posted on the newsgroup…
“The goal of the ‘for dummies’ books is to get rid of their target audience”
"The goal of the 'for dummies' books is to get rid of their target audience" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on July 29, 2020. That is, if "dummies" read…
“Wife: Can you pick up milk?” (joke)
A request to "pick up" an item from the store means to get it from the store. It does not mean to literally pick up the item, but there are jokes. This was posted on Twitter by…
“All my passwords are protected by amnesia”
"All my passwords are protected by amnesia" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. They are protected because the person who made the passwords has amnesia and forgets…
“What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?”/“A cannibble.”
"Cannibal" can sound like "can nibble" -- meaning someone "able to nibble" or someone who "nibbles cans" (or nibbles from cans). "What kind of person…
“I’ve just lost my job as an ice cream tester. I couldn’t do sundaes”
"Sundae" sounds like "Sunday," and there are several jokes. "Just been sacked as an ice cream tester. I refused to do Sundaes" was posted on Twitter by 𝕸𝖆𝖙…