“I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired”
"I'm still tired from yesterday's tired" and "I'm still tired from yesterday's tired. Today isn't looking so good, and I've already used up…
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“I work with animals (...) I’m a butcher”
A joke is that a person "works with animals" -- and then it is revealed that this person is a butcher. "Best comment of the day...''I used to work with animals...Yhh…
“Why would America make the bald eagle its national bird when all they do is attack things…”
The bald eagle is the national bird of the United States. This was posted on Twitter by Jamie Woodham on September 29, 2014: "Why would America make the bald eagle its national bird when all…
“I added some Friday to your coffee. You’re welcome”
"I added some Friday to your coffee. You're welcome" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Coffee in the morning often motivates one to get through the day's work,…
“Hey there, Friday! You sexy beast. I’ve been looking for you since Monday”
"Hey there Friday! You sexy beast. I've been looking for you since Monday" is a Friday saying that has been printed on many images. Slight variations of the saying have been printed…
“I am instantly 70% nicer after 3 PM on Fridays”
"I am instantly 70% nicer after 3 PM on Fridays" is a Friday saying that has been printed on many images. "I become 70% nicer after 3pm on Fridays" was posted on Twitter by Fí…
“When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I’m a blackjack dealer”
"When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I'm a blackjack dealer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The dog is looking the some food.…
“Never leave home without a hug, a kiss and an ‘I love you.’ Then remove the dog hair…”
There's a simple piece of advice about leaving home to go to work. "Never leave home without a hug, a kiss and an 'I love you.' Then remove the dog hair from your mouth as you…
“Never leave home without a kiss, a hug and an ‘I love you.’ Then remove the dog hair…”
There's a simple piece of advice about leaving home to go to work. "Never leave home without a hug, a kiss and an 'I love you.' Then remove the dog hair from your mouth as you…
“After I’m done snacking, I have to show my hands to the dog like I’m a black jack dealer”
"When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I'm a blackjack dealer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The dog is looking the some food.…
“Home is where the dog hair sticks to everything but the dog”
"Home is where the dog hair is” and and "Home is where the dog hair sticks to everything but the dog" are jocular dog saying that have been printed on many images. "Home is…
“I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink and have music at a normal volume…”
Some people want bars to be more like home. This was posted on Twitter by Katie D on January 21, 2023: "I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink and have music at a normal volume and…
“I don’t even know how to use my own credit card anymore. Tap it? Swipe it? Bop it? Twist it?”
Credit cards and debit cards used to be swiped, but now can also be inserted or tapped. It can be confusing. "First they tell me to swipe it, then to stick it, and now to tap it? Credit cards…
“Home is where the dog hair is”
"Home is where the dog hair is” and and "Home is where the dog hair sticks to everything but the dog" are jocular dog saying that have been printed on many images. "Home is…
“I don’t even know how to use my own debit card anymore. Tap it? Swipe it? Bop it? Twist it?”
Credit cards and debit cards used to be swiped, but now can also be inserted or tapped. It can be confusing. "First they tell me to swipe it, then to stick it, and now to tap it? Credit cards…
“Home is where the dog hair sticks to everything except the dog”
"Home is where the dog hair is” and and "Home is where the dog hair sticks to everything but the dog" are jocular dog saying that have been printed on many images. "Home is…
“What is a golfer’s favorite drink?”/“Green tea.”
"Green tea" (a drink) shouldn't be confused with "green tee" (in golf), but there are jokes. "what's a golfer's fav drink? green tee" was posted on…
“What is a golfer’s favorite drink?”/“Green tee.”
"Green tea" (a drink) shouldn't be confused with "green tee" (in golf), but there are jokes. "what's a golfer's fav drink? green tee" was posted on…
“A blind prisoner walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A prisoner version is: "A prisoner walks into a bar." The joke is that the…
“A prisoner walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A prisoner version is: "A prisoner walks into a bar." The joke is that the…