“Two Jews, three opinions”
Jews often disagree with other Jews. "Two Jews three opinions" -- that is, if you ask two Jews about something, you';ll get three opinions -- is a popular saying. "Some one has…
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“I look forward to paying off all of my debt, and finally getting back to just being broke”
"I look forward to paying off al of my debt, and finally getting back to just being broke" is a jocular line that began as an e-card and first appeared on Twitter on August 12, 2011. The…
“My new credit card has this awesome theft protection…” (joke)
"My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says 'declined' whenever you use it" is a jocular line that was cited on Twitter on May 13, 2012. "My…
“She said to kiss her where it smells bad, so I took her to New Jersey”
New Yorkers have jokes about New Jersey. One popular joke is: "A young couple were making out passionately in a car when the girl said, 'Oh, oh, kiss me where it smells so bad!" So…
“Cheap beer is like having sex in a canoe” (joke)
A classic joke is told about a cheap beer -- it's like having sex (or making love) in a canoe because it's "fucking close to water." The joke has been told since at least 1952…
“Autocorrect can be your worst enema”
"Autocorrect can be your worst enema" is a jocular line that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and coffee mugs. "Sometimes autocorrect can be your worst…
“When a vegan goes missing do they put them on a soymilk carton?”
Missing persons' pictures have been on milk cartons since the disappearance of Etan Patz in Manhattan in 1979. "Must suck when a vegan's kid goes missing and his picture is put on a…
“My book club only reads wine labels”
"My book club only reads wine labels" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as tote bags, T-shirts and posters. Sally Beerworth, author of the book Updating…
“Never name the chickens” (military adage)
"Don't/Never name the chickens" is a barnyard adage that has also been used in the military. "We decided not to name our chickens...it makes it so hard to eat them later"…
“Never buy from a rich salesman and always hire a rich attorney”
The Complete Murphy's Law (1990) by Arthur Bloch included these rules: "GOLDENSTERN'S RULES: 1. Always hire a rich attorney.2. Never buy from a rich salesperson." It's not…
Certainly Not News (CNN nickname)
The Cable News Network (CNN), a 24-hour cable news channel, was founded by Ted Turner and first broadcast on June 1, 1980. The unflattering CNN nickname of "Certainly Not News" has been…
“The military is protecting democracy, not practicing it”
The American military defends democracy, but the military itself is not a democracy. "We're here to preserve democracy, Mr. Hunter, not to practice it" is from the novel Crimson Tide…
“Incompetence is a double-edged banana”
A "double-edged sword" is sharp on both sides and can cut both ways; the term is used to mean an asset that could also turn into a liability. A "double-edged banana" is soft on…
“Depresso: When you’ve run out of coffee”
"Depresso: When you’ve run out of coffee" is a jocular line that was cited on Twitter on November 25, 2012. "Depresso" is a portmanteau of "depression" and…
“College is a fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink”
"College is a fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink" is a jocular line that has been cited in print since at least 1951. The saying is of uncertain authorship.…
Canadian Brainwashing Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)
The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) is a channel that is available on some cable systems in the United States. The CBC has been given the backronym (back acronym) of “Canadian…
Crap Not News (CNN nickname)
The Cable News Network (CNN), a 24-hour cable news channel, was founded by Ted Turner and first broadcast on June 1, 1980. The unflattering CNN nickname of "Crap Not News" has been cited…
“It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly”
"It takes money to make money" is an old saying. "It takes money to make money becasue you have to copy the design exactly" is a jocular extension of the saying that has been…
“Time kills all deals”
"Time kills all deals" is a popular piece of business advice. The longer a deal takes, the more opportunity there is for the deal to fall apart. The saying "time kills all…
“Swimming isn’t a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning”
"Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning" is a joke that has been credited -- correctly -- to both American comedian George Carlin (1937-2008) and American…