“We don’t serve black people.”/“That’s OK. I don’t eat them.”
A "joke" was told in the days of racially segregated restaurants: Waitress: We on't serve black people here.Black diner: That's OK. I don't eat them. The joke has been…
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“Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed”
"Old soldiers never die -- they just fade away” is an old saying that was popularized by General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964) in his farewell address to Congress on April 19, 1951. Many…
“Old cooks never die, they just get deranged”
"Old soldiers never die -- they just fade away” is an old saying that was popularized by General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964) in his farewell address to Congress on April 19, 1951. Many…
“I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot”
A pun about working as a shoe salesman is: "I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot." "I worked in a shoe store, but they gave me the boot" was posted to the…
“God created Gentiles so there’d be somebody to buy retail”
An old Jewish joke is that Jewish people "don't buy retail." I Can Get It for You Wholesale is the title of a 1937 novel by Jerome Weidman and a 1962 Broadway musical that starred…
“Who needs a guy when there’s chai?”
"Who needs a guy when there's chai?" is a jocular tea saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on September 19, 2014.…
“May your burdens be light and your coffee be strong”
"May your burdens be light and your coffee be strong" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on February 18, 2013. "May your…
“It’s Saturday! The only decision you need to make is bottle or glass”
"It's Friday/Saturday! The only decision you need to make is bottle or glass" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images. "It's Saturday. The only…
“Coffee tastes better on Fridays”
"Coffee (always) tastes better on Friday(s)" (or "Coffee tastes better on Friday mornings") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The origin of the saying is…
“Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms”
"Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms" -- in other words, "count your blessings" -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in print…
“This printer is now called Bob Marley because it’s always jammin’”
"This copier/printer/shredder is now called Bob Marley because it's a;ways jammin'" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images and posted on many…
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday”
A popular mock break-up letter to Monday has been printed on many images: "Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s…
“It’s Thursday, which is ‘Friday Eve’ in Optimisian”
"It's Thursday, which is 'Friday Eve' in Optimisian" is a jocular Thursday saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Steven…
“Thursday doesn’t even count as a day, It’s just the thing that’s blocking Friday”
"Thursday doesn't even count as a day, It's just the thing that's blocking Friday" is a jocular Thursday saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was…
POETS Day (Piss Off Early, Tomorrow’s Saturday)
Friday is sometimes called "POETS Day," an acronym for "Piss/Punch/Push Off/Out Early, Tomorrow's Saturday." That is, work should be done early, so that one can celebrate…
“Better days are just around the corner. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday”
"Better days are just around the corner. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. "Better days are just around the…
“New York leads all cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move”
Television talk show host and comedian David Letterman said on Late Night with David Letterman in September 1986: "New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people…
“It’s Thursday, or as I like to call it: Day 4 of the hostage situation”
"It's Thursday, or as I like to call it: Day 4 of the hostage situation" is a jocular work saying about Thursday that has been printed on many images. "Thursday or as I like to…
“Thursday—the most useless day of the week”
A saying about THursday has been printed on several ecards: "Thursday. The most useless day of the week. It only exists as a reminder that it's been a really long week, and it's…
“Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday”
"Nothing fucks/messes/screws up your Friday like realizing it's only Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Nothing fucks up your…