“Run like it’s midnight”
"Run like it's midnight" is a CInderella-inspired saying that has been printed on many images. The character of Cinderella had to run away from the ball at midnight. "Workout…
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“How can you get rich by eating?”/“Eat fortune cookies.”
A fortune cookie riddle is: Q: How can you get rich by eating?A: Eat fortune cookies. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Wikipedia: Fortune cookieA fortune cookie is a crisp…
“You aren’t necessarily what you eat. If you eat a vegetarian, you probably are not a vegetarian”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“A pig’s favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York”
A popular pig joke us: "A pig's favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2004. Lighten Up A Little!A pig’s favoriteNOVEMBER…
“Why do ghosts go to the gym?”/“To lift, they’re spirits.”
A ghost riddle is: Q: Why do ghosts go to the gym?A: To lift, they're spirits. The joke was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on September 1, 2017. Reddit -- 3amjokesWhy do ghosts go to the gym?…
“Why are there so many public libraries, but no public gyms?”
"We, as a country, should have public gyms akin to having public libraries" is a thought that was posted on Twitter on December 11, 2012. "Public libraries... how about public…
“Why is there a “D” in fridge, but not refrigerator?”
"Why is there a 'd' in 'fridge' when it's short for refrigerator?"is a question that was asked on the newsgroup uk.rec.waterways on June 30, 2004. The question…
“What did the suicide bomber teacher say to his students?”/“I’m only going to show this once.”
Teachers often say, "Pay attention! I'm only going to do this once!" But what if the teacher is instructing suicide bombers? A joke was posted on the newsgroup soc.culture.israel on…
“I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, I’ll do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line”
"I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, I’ll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line" is a math saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on the…
“What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?”/“A beer-a-cuda.”
A pun on the name of the barracuda fish is: Q: What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?A: A beer-a-cuda. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2002. Ceramic Tile Advice…
“What did the cat say when he lost all his money?”/“I’m paw!”
A cat riddle is: Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?A: I'm paw (poor)! The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.games.tiberian-sun on October 23, 1999, and has been printed on…
“Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Google Books1001 Motivational Quotes for SuccessBy Thomas J. VilordAustin, TX: Live Oak Book COmpany2011Pg. ?:Every success is built on the ability to do better than good…
“Two overachievers walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An overachiever version is: "Two overachievers walk into a bar. Clearly, the bar…
“Three Democrats walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Democrat/Republican version is: "Three Democrats/Republicans walk into a bar. The…
“What is a snake’s favorite subject at school?”/“Hiss-tory.”
A snake riddle is: Q: What is a snake's favorite subject at school?A: Hiss-tory. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1990. 14 November 1990, Lansing (MI) State Journal, pg. 8E,…
“Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterErnesto @NestoMartinezEvery machine is a smoke machine if you try hard enough12:43 PM - 17 Aug 2011 TwitterLexOfNP @LexOfNPEvery Machine is a Smoke Machine if…
“Three Republicans walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Democrat/Republican version is: "Three Democrats/Republicans walk into a bar. The…
“Where do Martians drink beer?”/“At a Mars bar.”
A pun on the "Mars" chocolate bar is: Q: Where do Martians drink beer?A: At a Mars bar. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. Wikipedia: Mars (chocolate bar)Mars is a…
“It’s ironic that pregnant women drink virgin cocktails”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterJonathan Lieberman @JonathanLiebermIrony of the day. Pregnant Women drink "virgin" cocktails.8:40 PM - 22 Dec 2008 TwitterAnthony May…
“What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?”/“Monkfish.”
A pun on the name "monkfish" is: Q: What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?A: Monkfish. The joke ha been cited in print since at least 2002. Wikipedia: LophiusMembers of the…