“Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life” (joke)
Sarcasm often doesn't go well in the workplace, but this joke is from the website Sickipedia and was posted on Twitter on March 11, 2014: "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life." my…
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“To the guy who found my empty wallet… I don’t know how to repay you”
People sometimes return empty wallets to their owners; the money is gone, however. "To the guy that returned my empty wallet...I don't know how to repay you. http://bit.ly/1zznTUe via…
“Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud”
According to the Bible, God (in a cloud) gave Moses the tablets of the Ten Commandments. This had nothing to do with cloud computing, but there have been several jokes. "I thought Moses…
“I started a business that sells fertilizer. You could say I’m an entre-manure”
An "entremanure" (entrepreneur + manure) is someone who makes money from manure -- usually from its use as fertilizer. "Entremanure" has been cited in print since at least 1985,…
“The closest I’ve ever come to being a ‘hunter and gatherer’ is opening my own pistachios”
Cracking open pistachio nuts is a lot of work for some people, resulting in several jokes. "I feel like such a hunter-gatherer having to crack all my own pistachios. #paleo" was posted on…
“What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?”/“I’ve got my eye on you!”
A hurricane riddle is: Q: What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?A: "I've got my eye on you!" "What did the hurricane say to the island? I've got my eye on…
“What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?” (joke)
A hurricane riddle has been printed on many images: Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?A: "Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!" "Q. What did the…
“Why are there donut holes, but not bagel holes?”
"If they make donut holes, why don't they make bagel holes?" was posted on Twitter on July 6, 2009. "Why are there donut holes but not bagel holes?" was posted on Reddit --…
“Why did the cowboy get a hot seat?”/“Because he rode the range.”
A cowboy riddle is: Q: Why did the cowboy get a hot seat?A: Because he rode the range. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on December 21, 2002. Google Groups: alt.humor.punsPuns of…
“Wine is cheaper than therapy”
"Wine is cheaper than therapy" is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Allison Bennett on April 21, 2009/ "Gardening is cheaper…
“A true friend is one who thinks you’re a good egg, even though you’re slightly cracked”
"A true friend is one who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in print…
“Why did the dog go to court?”/“Because he got a barking ticket.”
People get parking tickets, and dogs get...barking tickets? A riddle has been cited in print since at least 1975: Q: Why did the dog go to court?A: Because he got a barking ticket. 6 July 1975,…
“Keep your heels, head & standards high”
"Keep your heels, head & standards high" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Preach it skeeter RT @cindyyloohoo: Keep your heels, your head and your standards…
“A house is made of wood and stone, but only love can make a home”
"A house is made of wood and stone, but only love can make a home" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Houses are made of wood and stone, But Homes are made of Love…
“What do you call a happy cowboy?”/“A jolly rancher.”
A riddle about Jolly Rancher candy is: Q: What do you call a happy cowboy?A: A jolly rancher. "What do you call a gay farmer?" was cited in 2000, "What do you call a happy…
“What is a duck’s favorite snack?”/“Quackers.”
A riddle about ducks and crackers is: Q: What is a duck's favorite snack?A: Quackers (quack + crackers). "Quacker Oats" has been cited in print since at least 1978, and…
“The secret ingredient is one heaping teaspoon of love”
"The secret ingredient is one heaping teaspoon of love" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on January 9, 2014. Authorship is unknown.…
“What kind of pig plays basketball?”/“A ball hog.”
A basketball riddle is: Q: What kind of pig plays basketball?A: A ball hog. "What do you call a pig who plays basketball.....A BALL HOG" was posted on Twitter on July 30, 2009. The joke…
“Two zombies were at a graduation party. One asked, ‘How was the grad you ate?’”
"Graduate" is sometimes written as "grad u ate" or "grad you ate." "What movie was based on the memoirs of a college cannibal? A: The Grad u ate" -- a pun on…
“A sports network employee got arrested for selling company secrets. He was charged with ESPN-age”
The sports network ESPN has had some puns on its name, such as "ESPNage" (espionage). "A man was spying on the operations of a national cable sports network. The police caught him…