“What did the sheep say to the shepherd?”/“Season’s bleatings!”
People say "Season's Greetings!" at the end of the year. A sheep riddle was printed in 1993: "QUESTION: What do sheep say at Christmas? ANSWER: Season's Bleatings." A…
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“College is soup and I am a fork”
"Life is a soup and I'm a (fucking) fork" -- a utensil useless for drinking soup -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. The song "(I'm Gonna) Kick You…
“How did the blonde die drinking milk?”/“The cow fell on top of her.”
People usually don't die from drinking milk, but a popular riddle is: Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?A: The cow fell on top of her. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“A midget walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A midget version is: "A midget walks into a bar. The bar was set too low."…
“How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?”/“He keeps a log book.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?A: He keeps a log book. The "log book" pun has been cited in print since at least December 6,…
“Why don’t blondes like making Kool-Aid?”/“They can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.”
When a recipe states "Add 8 cups of water," it usually meals to add that to a bowl or to a pitcher. A "dumb blonde" joke about Jell-O was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“I bought a new weed-whacker today. It’s cutting hedge technology”
"Cutting hedge technology" is a pun on "cutting-edge technology." "Christopher Lloyd treats his garden to cutting-hedge technology" was printed in i> The Guardian…
“What do you get from a cowmedian?”/“Cream of Wit!”
A cow riddle is: Q: What do you get from a cowmedian?A: Cream of wit. A "cowmedian" is a "cow-comedian." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. Wikipedia: Cream…
“Why don’t blondes like making Jell-O?”/“They can’t fit two cups of water in the little box.”
When a recipe states "Add 8 cups of water," it usually meals to add that to a bowl or to a pitcher. A "dumb blonde" joke about Jell-O was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?”/“Horn-aments.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?A: Horn-aments. The "ornaments"/"hornaments" pun has been cited in print since at least 2006. Boards.ie…
“Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit”
"Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit" is a saying that has been printed on several images. It is usually listed as "author unknown." Sour cream is a topping that adds to the flavor…
“Scaffolding—I’m a supporter”
"Scaffolding: I'm a supporter" is a jocular one-liner that was posted on Twitter on February 1, 2014. "Scaffolding...I'm a supporter" was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners…
“Why don’t strings get any presents for Christmas?”/“Because they’re always on the knotty list.”
A Christmas riddle was posted on Twitter on November 19, 2012: Q: Why didn't the shoelace get what it wanted for Christmas? A: It was on the knotty list. "Knotty list" is a pun on…
“What keeps Gouda up at night?”/“The Muenster under the bed.”
Muenster cheese has several "monster" puns. Gouda cheese has several "good" puns. "There's a muenster under my bed, it doesn't look very Gouda" was posted on…
“What’s the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?” (joke)
A soprano riddle is: Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche. A Porsche is an expensive car; Ferrari and Lamborghini have…
“If the world is getting smaller, why do postal rates keep going up?”
“If the world is getting smaller, why do they keep raising the postal rates?” is a jocular saying that was printed in many 1961 newspapers. "If the world is really getting smaller, why do…
“I knew a guy who collected candy canes. They were all in mint condition”
Are candy canes always in "mint" (peppermint) condition? "I might as well reuse last year's candy canes. After all, they are in mint condition" was posted on Twitter on…
“A dwarf walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A dwarf version is: "A dwarf walks into a bar. The bar for this joke is set pretty…
“Aprons are just adult bibs”
An apron has sometimes been compared with a bib. "The good thing about wearing an apron...is that its like and adult bib:) and i need that!" was posted on Twitter on December 21, 2011.…
“Hey girl, are you a parked car?” (joke)
Parked cars usually don't get into accidents, but there is a joke. "Damn girl are you a parked car because I was really drunk when I hit that" was posted on Twitter by "Mall…